Is It What It Is?

There are three phrases that sound almost identical.

But they can lead to completely different lives.

It is what it is.

It is what you make of it.

It is what you make it.

They even alsmost have the same words...

but different philosophies.

Let's start with the first one.

It Is What It Is

This is acceptance.

Reality.

Acknowledgment.

The traffic is bad.

The diagnosis is real.

The money is gone.

The mistake happened.

Harsh words were spoken.

It is what it is.

There is wisdom in that.

Because growth begins when we stop arguing with reality.

Jesus didn't deny the existence of the cross.

Paul didn't pretend prison wasn't prison.

Nehemiah didn't act like the walls of Jerusalem were intact.

They acknowledged reality.

Sometimes the most mature thing a person can say is:

"This is where we are."

Not where we wish we were.

Not where we used to be.

Where we are.

But that's only step one.

Then we move to...

It Is What You Make Of It

Now we're talking about perspective.

Interpretation.

Meaning.

Two people can experience the exact same event and walk away with completely different conclusions.

For one, setback becomes an excuse.

While another person's setback becomes a lesson.

One couple sees conflict as evidence they are incompatible.

Another sees it as an opportunity to understand each other better.

The event is the same.

The meaning assigned to it is different.

Romans 8:28 is built on this principle.

God specializes in bringing purpose out of situations that don't look purposeful.

Not everything that happens is good.

But something good can still come from it.

It is what you make of it.

Then comes the third statement.

It Is What You Make It

This one is responsibility.

Action.

Stewardship.

Because eventually perspective alone isn't enough.

You can't think your way into a healthy marriage.

You have to build one.

You can't admire communication.

You have to communicate.

You can't appreciate forgiveness in theory.

You have to practice it.

You can't celebrate intimacy from a distance.

You have to cultivate it.

At some point, the marriage becomes what both people are willing to invest in.

Not perfectly.

But intentionally.

And that's where these three ideas collide.

Marriage has realities.

Some spouses are naturally different.

Some seasons are difficult.

Some wounds are deeper than others.

It is what it is.

Marriage also requires perspective.

Will we see this challenge as proof that we're failing?

Or as proof that we're growing?

It is what you make of it.

And finally, marriage requires effort.

Date nights don't schedule themselves.

Trust doesn't rebuild itself.

Communication doesn't improve itself.

It becomes what we make it.

Ecclesiastes 4:9 says,

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor."

Not wishes.

Not intentions.

Labor.

The return is connected to the work.

That's why some couples take the exact same circumstances and arrive at very different outcomes.

One says:

"It is what it is."

And stops there.

Another says:

"It is what it is."

"It is what we make of it."

"And with God's help, it will become what we make it."

That's the difference.

Reality must be acknowledged.

Meaning must be chosen.

And effort must be applied.

Because a healthy marriage isn't found.

It's built.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.

© Lanre Olagbaju