I was listening to Rev. Sam Oye recently when he said something that caught my attention.
He said:
"For someone to qualify as a helper, they must be as strong as the person being helped... if not stronger."
I sat with that thought for a while.
Then life gave me an illustration.
My daughter spotted ants.
Now, if you know anything about some women and bugs, you already know where this is going.
She wanted those ants gone immediately. Her reaction had called my wife's attention.
The problem was that the ants had disappeared beneath a three-seater couch.
And before I could fully process what was happening...
My wife lifted one side of the couch with one hand.
One hand.
I just stood there looking.
Then I laughed and said,
"So you can actually lift the couch yourself?
All these years you've been calling me so I can feel strong?"
We both laughed.
But later, I kept thinking about it.
Maybe that's one of the biggest misconceptions people have about the word helper.
Some hear "helper" and think assistant.
Support staff.
Second string.
But that's not the picture Scripture paints.
In Genesis 2:18, God says:
"I will make him a helper suitable for him."
The Hebrew word used there is ezer.
And what's fascinating is that the same word is often used to describe God's help toward His people.
God is not weak.
God is not inferior.
God is not less capable.
The helper in Scripture is not someone without strength.
The helper is someone who brings strength.
Which makes perfect sense when you think about it.
What kind of help is provided by someone who cannot contribute anything meaningful?
What kind of partner adds no value?
What kind of helper has no capacity?
A helper must bring something to the table.
Wisdom.
Strength.
Perspective.
Insight.
Discernment.
Encouragement.
Skill.
Otherwise they're not helping.
They're merely present.
That's one of the beautiful things about marriage.
God didn't create Eve because Adam needed an audience.
He created Eve because Adam needed partnership.
A person capable of seeing things he couldn't see.
Doing things he couldn't do.
Contributing things he didn't possess.
Ecclesiastes 4:9 says,
"Two are better than one."
Not because one is weak and the other is strong.
Because together they become stronger.
The healthiest marriages I've seen are not built around one capable person dragging another along.
They're built around two capable people choosing partnership.
Each bringing strengths.
Each covering weaknesses.
Each helping the other become more effective.
And honestly...
sometimes the strength looks different than we expect.
Sometimes it's physical.
Like lifting a couch when ants have declared war.
Sometimes it's emotional.
When one spouse remains calm while the other is overwhelmed.
Sometimes it's spiritual.
When one person's faith carries the family through a difficult season.
Sometimes it's wisdom.
Seeing a danger the other person completely missed.
That's why a spouse should never be viewed as competition.
Or decoration.
Or merely support.
They are help.
Real help.
God-designed help.
And if we're wise, we'll stop measuring strength by who can do everything alone.
Because marriage was never about proving independence.
It was about multiplying effectiveness.
The couch wasn't the lesson.
The ants weren't the lesson.
The lesson was this:
The person God gives you as a helper may be far stronger than you realize.
And that's exactly why they were given to you.
👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.
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