Part 1: Physical Touch — It’s Not Just About Sex

I believe we all know one thing or the other about love languages

So, if your love language is physical touch, your spouse needs to understand that it's not just about sex.

Let’s say that again...it’s not just about sex.

Physical touch is often misunderstood, oversimplified, or altogether dismissed as being one-dimensional. But for those whose hearts speak this language, touch communicates comfort, connection, closeness, and care...sometimes more powerfully than words ever could.

This love language can be easily misconstrued because we live in a culture that hyper-sexualizes touch. From movies to media, the narrative says touch equals lust, touch equals sex, touch equals taking. But in marriage, Christian marriage, physical touch is not just for the bedroom; it’s also for the soul.

For the spouse who speaks this love language, touch means:

“I see you.”

“I’m here with you.”

“You are safe with me.”

“We’re still in this together.”

It’s that gentle hand rubbing the back while washing dishes.

It’s that  warm embrace after a long day.

It’s holding hands in silence, forehead kisses, sitting close during prayer, or resting a hand on a knee during a tough conversation.

Sex is part of it, yes...but it’s the culmination, not the entirety.

How it's given

For the spouse who loves through touch, giving it often looks like instinctively reaching for their spouse...because affection is how they express their heart. It’s not neediness/clinginess; it’s nurture. It’s not desperation; it’s devotion.

It’s usually given in small doses, sprinkled throughout the day, as a constant “I love you” that doesn’t need to be spoken.

But here's where it gets delicate: if a spouse only receives physical touch during sex or leading to sex, it can start to feel like performance, not passion. Transaction, not tenderness.

And when the spouse who needs non-sexual touch doesn't receive it, they often feel rejected, unseen, and emotionally disconnected...even if/when their partner thinks everything is okay.

How it's received

For a spouse whose primary love language is physical touch, they receive love through presence. A hand held says “you matter.” A hug says “you are not alone.”

It calms. It reassures. It restores.

There is something about touch that even Scripture reveals God’s use of touch in healing and connection. Jesus often touched those He healed (Mark 1:41, Luke 5:13) not because He had to, but because it meant something. It conveyed compassion, intention, closeness.

In marriage, receiving meaningful touch says:

“You’re not too busy for me.”

“You’re still tender toward me.”

“You choose me.”

A Call to Both Spouses

To the spouse whose love language is touch: Be honest. Don’t let your needs go unspoken. And don’t weaponize your pain if they don’t understand at first. Invite them into understanding.

To the one married to a physical-touch spouse: You don’t have to become someone you’re not. But you can grow into someone who loves deeply...on purpose. Loving your spouse in their language, not just yours, is the kind of selfless love that marriage, and Christ, calls us to.

The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 16:14 “Let all that you do be done in love.” 

Because sometimes, love sounds like a hug.

Sometimes, it speaks through intertwined fingers.

And sometimes, it’s heard most clearly…through the warmth of a gentle touch.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks #LoveLangiage #ReachOutAndTouch

Killing the Flesh in Marriage: Galatians 5

The Bible says in Galatians 5 verse 19 “Now the works of the flesh are evident…” 

Marriage is not just a beautiful thing; it is also refining, joyful, stretching. But above all, it is spiritual. It is a union that God ordained and the enemy envies. Because of  THE enemy, we need to be careful, so that the very flesh Christ died to crucify does not find a comfortable seat in our homes, slowly eating away at the oneness God intends.

Apostle Paul gives us a clear list in Galatians 5:19–21—a list of what the flesh looks like when it’s in control. While we often read this with “the world” in mind, let’s bring it home. How do these works of the flesh show up in marriage?

1. Sexual Immorality & Impurity

This is not just about cheating/extra-marital affairs/adultery. It includes pornography, lustful thoughts, flirtations outside your spouse, withholding affection as punishment, or comparing your spouse to others sexually.
How do we put it to death? 1 Corinthians 6:18 says “Flee from sexual immorality”. Make your spouse your standard of beauty. Cultivate intimacy and openness. Don’t starve each other emotionally or sexually (1 Cor. 7:5). If it is a spiritual struggle, lean on the Holy Spirit, share this burden with your spouse, be accountable to each other and PRAY.

2. Idolatry

Anything we put at the center of the marriage, apart from Christ, become an idol. When career, children, ministry, money, or even your spouse, takes the throne of your heart, that's idolatry.
How do we put it to death? Make Christ your first love. Everything else finds proper order when He is central (Matt. 6:33).

3. Hatred, Discord, Jealousy, Fits of Rage

Ever had moments when it felt like you and your spouse were roommates instead of soulmates? Or silent wars where you avoid each other in the same house? That’s discord.
Jealousy? This creeps in when we start to compare roles, earnings, or even spiritual “growth.”
Rage? That explosive or simmering anger that festers beneath “I’m fine.”
How do we put it to death? Ephesian 4:26-27 say“Be angry and do not sin… do not give the devil a foothold”. Practice soft starts in conflict. Prioritize TRUE peace over being right. Pursue understanding, not victory. Learn to fight fair.

4. Selfish Ambition & Dissensions

Dissension is the silent killer. It’s the slow build-up of unresolved offense, silent treatment, separate dreams, and me-first living.
Selfish ambition says, “I’ll do what benefits me, even if it costs us.”
How do we put it to death? Choose we over me. Return to mutual submission (Eph. 5:21). Communicate goals, hurts, and dreams. Invite God into your disagreements. Forgive fully and often.

5. Envy, Drunkenness, and the Like

Envy can destroy admiration. Drunkenness doesn’t only refer to alcohol...it’s any form of escapism (excessive scrolling, social media bingeing, workaholism, constant outings with friends) that numbs you from dealing with your marriage.
How do we put it to death? Be sober-minded (1 Peter 5:8). Stay present. Celebrate each other...each spouse's win should be a win for the marriage. Deal with issues head-on and invite trusted counsel if/when needed.

...................

The Only Way to Win

Galatians 5 doesn’t just list the works of the flesh. It shows us the antidote:
“Walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” (Gal. 5:16)
This is not about striving harder. It’s about surrendering deeper.

For married folks, your marriage is where the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience...) must ripen first, "charity begins at home" is that wise saying. But that only happens when the flesh is put to death daily. Together.

So today, ask:

• Are we feeding the flesh or the Spirit in our home?
• Where has the enemy built strongholds through unresolved fleshly patterns?
• Are we fighting with each other or for each other?

Let your marriage be a garden where the Spirit bears much fruit...a place where we put the flesh to death. Together.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks #DieToTheFlesh #Together

Would You Notice If They Were Gone?

Have you ever paused, truly paused, to imagine what it would feel like if poof! your partner disappeared? Not from a place of wishing, God forbid, but just honestly wondering: Would there be a gap? Would there be something…anything…you’d miss?

If your honest answer is yes...no matter how small...then there’s your cue: appreciate them.

See, it’s easy to get consumed by what your partner lacks. The things they haven’t figured out, the habits that irritate you, the flaws that make you roll your eyes or mumble under your breath. Marriage can slowly turn into a scoreboard of weaknesses… tallying everything except the good.

But hear this—there is no way you married someone with zero good in them. That’s not even scriptural.
James 1:17 says "Every good and perfect gift is from above", and like it or not, your spouse is part of that gift package. Imperfect, yes, BUT carrying a deposit of good from heaven.

The problem? We stop looking for it.

We forget that what you appreciate…appreciates. Gratitude multiplies what you focus on. The ‘little’ you keep ignoring might just be the seed that could grow; if only you watered it with appreciation.

Start small if you have to.
Appreciate the way they make the kids laugh.
Appreciate how they show up, imperfectly, awkwardly...but they show up.
Appreciate their effort, their sacrifices, their presence.

The Bible says, “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure…if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” (Philippians 4:8)

Yes, your marriage needs that.
Yes, your spouse deserves that.

Shift your meditation. Shift your gaze.
Stop letting weakness become the only thing you see.
Start seeing strength, even if it’s wrapped in weakness.

And here’s the secret...the more you see, the more you’ll have to see.

Water it, Nurture it, Bless it...until it blossoms into everything God intended.

Appreciate. It grows. Every time.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks

Scream Day, Scream Rooms, Stress, and Sacred Spaces: A Call for Kindness in Work and Marriage

I once worked as a Phone Banker. And let me tell you...it was not for the faint of heart. 

The stress levels were sky-high. I saw people break down, mid-call, yelling at customers before slamming down their headsets and quitting on the spot. It wasn’t unusual to feel like you were constantly being pushed to the edge, call after call, day after day.

Some organizations, in response, came up with something called a “scream room.” A dedicated space where employees could go and let it all out. No filter. No judgment. Just pure, raw release. Others found more subtle ways to cope. One person told me they would type out an angry email, writing everything they truly felt, then delete it. It wasn’t about sending it. It was about releasing it.

Everyone, it seems, is looking for ways to manage the emotional toll of life...especially at work.

But it raises a deeper question:

• How can we create environments that don't just require less screaming...but make screaming unnecessary?
• How can we make life a little less stressful for those we interact with every day?
• And how would we feel if we overheard someone in a scream room... and realized their frustration had our name on it?

That kind of reflection hits deep. Because at the end of the day, most people don’t want to snap. They just want to be seen, heard, and treated like a human being. A little grace can go a long way.

Then it hit me...this isn’t just about work.

This is also about marriage.

Because for some, marriage feels exactly like that job.
Stressful. Tense. Emotionally draining. Like you’re trying to hold yourself together in a storm of unmet expectations, miscommunication, and unspoken resentments.

What if marriages had scream rooms? Some already do.
They just don’t have four walls.
They’re the locked bathroom door. The silent treatment. The passive-aggressive sigh.
Or the inner monologue that never gets heard, but always gets felt.

So here’s the real challenge:
What would it look like to turn our homes, and our hearts, into grace rooms instead of scream rooms?

The Bible offers a blueprint in Colossians 4:6 (I know I quote it a lot...but that's because it is true):
“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt…”
Another one is in Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” 

It’s a call to emotional hospitality. To choose compassion, not criticism. To be the place where our loved ones exhale, not explode.

Yesterday, April 24th, was Scream Day.
And maybe that’s the reminder we all needed:
To check how we’re showing up in people’s lives.
To make space for frustration without becoming the cause of it.
To breathe. To extend grace. To choose kindness...especially when we don’t feel like it.

So I’ll ask again...how do you de-stress?
Better yet, how can you help others de-stress with you?

Let’s start by being less of what pushes people to the edge and more of what pulls them back to peace.
At work.
At home.
In marriage.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks #Breathe

He Caught the Grenade…Now What?

We’ve all heard Bruno Mars sonorously sing those famous words:

"I’d catch a grenade for ya..."
And somewhere in the hearts of many young ladies, that line triggered/triggers a blush, a daydream, and a giddy "awwww." It sounds so romantic, so sacrificial. A guy so in love he’s ready to jump into danger just to prove it.

But let’s pause a second and ask… then what?

He caught the grenade.
He's bleeding out.
No emergency plan.
No strategy.
Just vibes.

Romance is beautiful - don't get me wrong. Dating without romance is like bread without butter. But romance without reason is risky. A man who leaps off a moving train to prove his love might just be the same guy who hasn’t thought about how to pay rent next month.

Ladies, feelings are lovely, but foresight is holy.

The Bible says in Proverbs 22:3 "The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty."

Love should be deep, but it should also be wise.
Yes, date someone who makes your heart skip a beat...but also someone who doesn’t skip budgeting.
Yes, feel the butterflies...but also check that there's backbone.

Can this dude lead himself before trying to lead a home? 

Can he make decisions when it’s hard, or does he just go with whatever feels good in the moment?

If he’s got ONLY $100 and we both blow it all on one date night without a plan for tomorrow, that’s not deep love. That’s a sign of shallow stewardship.

Real love doesn’t just sacrifice. It plans. It protects. It thinks ahead.
Christ didn’t just die for His bride on impulse...He came with a plan from the foundations of the earth (1 Peter 1:20). That’s love worth mirroring.

So, dear single lady, don’t just fall for the guy who says he’d catch a grenade for you.
Ask: “What’s your plan after the explosion?”

You will not shi-marry in Jesus' name.
Be wise. Be loved. Be led well.

The Equation of Legacy: Proverbs 31 + Job 29 = Psalm 112 Family

I saw a reel yesterday, where Apostle Joshua Selman said  “When a Proverbs 31 woman marries a Job 29 man, they will have a Psalm 112 family.”

It was information overload for me...my head almost exploded. And that's because there’s so much to unpack in this one line...it’s not just poetic, it’s prophetic. Let’s take a walk through it.

The Proverbs 31 Woman
She’s not just a domestic goddess.
She’s a woman of wisdom, strength, industry, honor, and fear of the Lord.
She manages her home with intentionality and speaks with kindness.
She builds, she nurtures, she multiplies.
Her value is far above rubies...not because she’s perfect, but because she’s anchored.

The Job 29 Man
Most people only read and see the troubles of Job while overlooking what made him a man God could boast about.
This man is a walking reflection of godly leadership, integrity, justice, and compassion.
He was eyes to the blind, feet to the lame, a father to the needy, and a defender of the voiceless.
He didn’t just provide...he protected, led, and covered.
His presence was like rain to parched ground... life-giving and dependable.

Now imagine the union...
When this kind of woman partners with this kind of man,
they don’t just build a cute Christian home...
they raise a Psalm 112 generation.

“Blessed is the man who fears the Lord…
His children will be mighty in the land;
the generation of the upright will be blessed.” (Psalm 112:1-2)

This is legacy.
This is kingdom.
This is impact that outlives them.

They become a family marked by:

• Righteousness and wealth without compromise
• Being the light in darkness
• Having confidence in chaos
• Showing compassion for the poor
• Having steadfast hearts anchored in God

So the real question is:
Are we becoming the kind of man or woman that builds this kind of family?

You don’t find a Proverbs 31 woman or a Job 29 man...you grow into one.
And when you do, Psalm 112 becomes your family’s testimony.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks #Legacy

Don’t Abuse the Access

Not too long ago, a big Nigerian artist invited an upcoming artist to a dinner in the U.S.

He gifted him expensive shoes, showed him honor, and gave him access many would dream of.
The upcoming artist was overjoyed...he even went on a live video, bubbling with gratitude.

But just a few days later…
He was back on live video again...this time dragging the big artist for not showing up to a studio session he had hoped would happen.

What changed?
Nothing really.
Except expectation.
And perhaps… an abuse of access.

In the ministry of men, access is a gift.
It’s not a right.
It’s not a shortcut.
And it’s not a green light to dump everything on someone just because you can reach them.

Some doors open to bless you...but close when you rush in, demanding more than the relationship can hold.

Access must be stewarded, not exploited.

Scripture is full of wisdom here:

• Joseph didn’t beg Pharaoh for a favor the day he interpreted a dream. He waited until the relationship matured and trust was built. (Genesis 41)
• Esther didn’t storm the king’s courts with a demand. She fasted, prayed, and discerned timing before making her request. (Esther 5)
• Even Jesus said, in Matthew 7 verse 6 “Do not give dogs what is holy; and do not throw your pearls before pigs…” because value must be matched with understanding.

Some of us are praying for divine connections and open doors...but here’s the truth:

God won’t give you access you’re not mature enough to manage.

Not every mentor is ready to hear all your problems on day one.
Not every helper is called to carry your full load.
Some relationships need time, discernment, and nurturing before they can bear the weight of your expectations.

The wise thing to do:

• Steward access with honor.
• Discern timing before making a request.
• Don’t drag the door that once blessed you.
• And most importantly, let gratitude go ahead of expectation.

Proverbs 25:17 (MSG) says it best:
“And when you find a friend... don’t outwear your welcome; show up at all hours and he’ll get fed up.”

Don’t just pray for open doors...pray for the wisdom to walk through them well.

Be Better. Love Better. Do Better.

“The Chair” in the Marriage Room

You probably have that chair...or had it once. You know the one. It sits silently in the corner of the room. At first, it had a purpose. But now? It’s the unofficial home for clothes in limbo. The shirt you wore for a few hours...not dirty enough for the laundry, not fresh enough for the closet. The jeans you meant to fold later. A jacket or two. Eventually, the chair disappears under the weight of “I’ll get to it later.” It slowly becomes clutter that makes the whole room feel messy, heavy, and hard to rest in.

That chair exists in many marriages too.

It’s the metaphorical dumping ground for unresolved tension. For snide comments we never addressed. For apologies never made. For little acts of neglect that weren’t “big enough” to start a fight over, yet left a mark. And slowly, without realizing it, we start building a pile. We keep tossing things on that invisible chair, thinking, “I’ll deal with it later.”

But later rarely comes without intentionality.

Left unchecked, “the chair” turns love into weight. Conversations feel heavier. Connection becomes cluttered. Intimacy is harder to access because the room of your relationship is filled with things neither of you truly want to deal with… but haven’t quite put away.

The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 10:18 “Through laziness, the rafters sag; because of idle hands, the house leaks.”

What begins as a small oversight becomes a structural issue if neglected.

Ephesians 4:26 also reminds us, “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”

God’s design is not to ignore the mess, but to clear it daily...before it settles into bitterness.

So what can we do?

We remove the chair.

We stop giving ourselves permission to drop things “for later.”

We start choosing conversations over silent resentment.

We trade passive neglect for active nurturing.

What might that look like?

Saying “I’m sorry” even when it feels small.

Voicing the hurt instead of stuffing it down.

Creating rhythms of check-ins, not just date nights.

Praying together...over the clutter and for the courage to clean it up.

According to Colossians 3:13, we are to  “Bear with each other and forgive one another... Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

Forgiveness and grace are not one-time acts...they’re daily habits. A constant clearing of the chair.

So here’s the challenge:

What’s sitting on your marriage chair?

What have you dropped there...intentionally or unintentionally?

And what can you both begin to hang up properly or wash clean together?

You deserve a marriage room you can breathe in.

A space uncluttered by yesterday’s unspoken.

So go ahead...remove the chair or at least, declutter it.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks #Declutter

Welcome to “Be Better, Love Better, Do Better”

Because average isn’t holy...and mediocre love isn’t our portion.

This blog used to go by a different name, but the heart behind it has always been the same: a call to be intentional about marriage. Not just the fun or romantic parts, but the messy, mundane, sometimes misunderstood parts that make love real.

I believe in the power of better...not perfection. Better conversations. Better apologies. Better prayers. Better choices. And by better, I mean biblically grounded, grace-filled, and growth-minded.

Here, we’ll unpack the scriptures, share real-life lessons, laugh a little, cry a little, and keep pressing into the kind of love that reflects Christ and brings life.

Let’s be better. Let’s love better. Let’s do better—together.

Be Better.

Love Better.

Do Better.

By grace, through truth, and with intention.

– Lanre Olagbaju