Stuck in Neutral

On our way back from soccer practice, my son asked a question and it almost caught me off guard.

He loves cars...a lot.

He understands gears when the car is moving forward.
He gets reverse.
He even understands park.

But then he asked,
“Why do we need Neutral again?”

I did my best to explain it... how Neutral disengages the engine from the wheels, how the car is on but not moving, how it’s sometimes necessary for specific moments.

He nodded… but I could tell it still didn’t fully make sense.

And somewhere between that conversation and the drive home, my mind's gear shifted to marriage.

...........................................

Being stuck in Neutral

There’s a mode many marriages slip into that doesn’t get talked about enough.

Not moving forward.
Not moving backward.
We are not divorced.
We are not even fighting.

We are just… Neutral.

The marriage is on.
But it’s not going anywhere.

Bills get paid.
Children are raised.
Schedules are managed.

But growth has stalled.
Connection has thinned.
Joy has faded into routine.

Nothing is broken enough to fix.
Nothing is bad enough to leave.

So people stay... idling.

..........................................

What Neutral looks like in marriage

You start to hear things like:

• “We’re fine.”
• “It’s not terrible.”
• “This is just how marriage is after a while.”

It looks like:

• Conversations limited to logistics
• Intimacy without depth
• Conflict avoided, not resolved
• Dreams postponed indefinitely
• Emotional distance masked by functionality

Neutral is dangerous not because it hurts loudly...
but because it numbs quietly.

.......................................

Why Neutral feels safer

Neutral feels safe because it demands NOTHING.

No hard conversations.
No risk of change.
No vulnerability.

Forward requires effort.
Reverse requires courage.

Neutral requires neither.

But God is not a supporter of stagnation.

The Bible says in 1 Thess 4:10: “We urge you… to do so more and more.”

God’s design for marriage isn’t survival.

It’s growth.

..........................................

How marriages get stuck there

Neutral often comes from:

• Unaddressed disappointment
• Fatigue
• Fear of rocking the boat
• Past conflicts that were buried, not healed
• Comfort mistaken for peace

Over time, couples stop asking:
“How are we really doing?”

And start settling for:
“At least we’re not failing.”

............................................
Getting out of Neutral

Neutral is not exited accidentally.
It requires intention.

Here’s how couples can begin to shift gears:

• Name it honestly - Call it what it is. Stagnation loses power when acknowledged
• Reintroduce curiosity -  Awaken curiosity. Start to ask questions again
• Create shared vision - Find something you’re moving toward together
• Address buried issues - Approach with caution, gently, courageously
• Invite God into the process - There is a spiritual angle to renewal, it's not just emotional

The Bible reminds us in Isaiah 43:19: “Behold, I am doing a new thing.”

But new things don’t happen when the engine is disengaged.

...............................................

Neutral is not the destination

Neutral is a temporary gear...
never the place you’re meant to live.

Marriage was designed to move.
To deepen.
To mature.

Not always fast.
Not always smoothly.

But forward.

Because a marriage that stays in Neutral too long
eventually forgets why it started moving in the first place.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.
If you’re still together, the engine is running.
Don’t settle for idling when you were built to move.

Waiting Should Not Be Wasted

Dear single,

Many people say they are waiting on God for marriage.

But if we’re honest, what we often mean is:

“I’m waiting for God to do something… while I stand still.”

 

Yet, throughout Scripture, waiting has never been passive.

Waiting is active.

Waiting is intentional.

Waiting is formative.

 

Isaiah reminds us in Chapter 40, verse 31 that “those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength” 

Renewal implies process. Movement. Growth. Not stagnation.

 

Waiting, biblically, is not a holding pattern. It’s a preparation ground.

 

Faith Does Not Just Ask. Faith Prepares.

When God makes a promise, He often begins a process.

Abraham didn’t just receive a promise of a son; he had to learn patience, obedience, and trust.

Ruth didn’t just meet Boaz; she learned diligence, character, and humility in the field.

David didn’t go from pasture to palace overnight; he learned faithfulness in obscurity as a shepherd boy.

 

Preparation is not doubt.

Preparation is my faith in motion and action.

 

If you’re praying for marriage, the question is not only “When, Lord?”

It’s also “Who am I becoming while I wait?”

 

If You’re Praying for Marriage, Prepare for Marriage

Marriage is not sustained by a glamorous wedding party or romantic feelings.

It is sustained by character, wisdom, emotional health, and intentional love.

 

So while you wait:

Learn what healthy marriage actually looks like.

Read. Ask questions. Observe godly marriages...not perfect ones, but honest ones.

Understand communication, conflict, forgiveness, intimacy, finances, and purpose.

Pray not only for a spouse, but for maturity.

Pray about the stages that come after the wedding.

Because the marriage you are asking God for will require more of you than you may currently imagine.

Waiting Is Where God Works on the Inside

Many people are eager for the manifestation but resistant to the transformation.

But God often uses waiting to:

• heal wounds we’ve normalized
• correct wrong expectations we’ve inherited
• soften hearts hardened by disappointment
• align desires with His will

 

Waiting exposes what we believe marriage will fix.

It reveals whether we want companionship or just trying to fill a void.

Whether we want partnership or escape.

And God, in His mercy, will not rush you into a covenant your character is not ready to steward.

Preparation Is a Sign of Expectation

In Scripture, people prepared because they believed God would move.

Noah built before the rain.

The Israelites packed before the Red Sea parted.

The wise virgins kept oil because they expected the bridegroom.

 

Preparation says, “I believe God enough to get ready.”

 

So while you wait:

• become emotionally whole
• practice healthy boundaries
• learn self-control
• grow in humility
• deepen your walk with God

Not so you earn marriage... but so you can sustain it.

 

Waiting Is Not Standing Still

Waiting is not inactivity.

Waiting is alignment.

It’s becoming the kind of person who can love well, not just long to be loved.

It’s learning to give what you’re asking God to bring.

And sometimes, the greatest gift of waiting is not the marriage itself...but the person you become along the way.

 

So wait.

But wait wisely.

Wait intentionally.

Wait faithfully.

Wait preparedly.

 

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.

From Manasseh Came Josiah

I was studying two people in the Bible recently, and as I was drawing parallels, I paused to think.

Manasseh in 2 Kings 21, 2 Chronicles 33.
Josiah in 2 Kings 22–23, 2 Chronicles 34.

If one didn’t know the lineage, one would assume they came from different homes.
Maybe they were raised with different values.
Or maybe they grew up in different spiritual atmospheres.

But they didn’t.

From THE SAME Manasseh came Josiah.

Manasseh lived a reckless life.
Idolatrous.
Violent in his leadership.
He filled Jerusalem with innocent blood.
He did such a good job leading Judah away from God that the Bible says he did more evil than the nations God drove out before Israel.

And yet…

From THAT SAME man came Josiah...
a king who sought the Lord while he was still young,
who tore down idols,
restored the temple,
rediscovered the Book of the Law,
and led a nation back to God.

Who would have thought?

....................................................

Every supposed bad/terrible story carries a seed of hope

This truth is powerful...but it must be held with wisdom.

Yes, God can bring something good out of a broken marriage.
Yes, God can redeem a line that looks spiritually damaged.
Yes, God can interrupt cycles that seem inevitable.

Scripture proves that time afater time.

However, the hope of redemption is not permission to ignore reality.

Josiah’s greatness did not make Manasseh’s choices harmless.
Judah still suffered consequences.
Damage was still done.
Healing was still needed.

God’s ability to redeem does not erase the cost of dysfunction.

...............................................

God writes new chapters...but scars still exist

The beauty of Josiah’s story is not that Manasseh’s failures didn’t matter.
It’s that God was not limited by them.

God did not excuse Manasseh.
But He refused to let Manasseh have the final word.

That matters for marriages and families carrying heavy stories.

Because sometimes instead of askinig:
“Was this marriage healthy?”

The question should be:
“Can God still bring something good out of this?”

And the biblical answer is:
Yes... He can.

But that hope is not a license to stay silent, unsafe, or stuck.

....................................................

Redemption does not mean endurance without wisdom

God can redeem what was broken.
But He never asks people to ignore abuse, neglect, or harm in the name of faith/hope.

Hope is not denial.
Faith is not foolishness.

Even Josiah did not become who he was by pretending the idols didn’t exist.
He tore them down.

Redemption required confrontation.
Reform.
Change.

....................................................

So what do we hold onto?

We hold onto this truth:

God can bring Josiah out of Manasseh.
Light out of darkness.
Purpose out of pain.

But we also hold onto this one:

Wisdom still matters.
Choices still matter.
Discernment still matters.

You can believe God for redemption
and refuse to romanticize dysfunction.

You can trust God with the future
and be honest about the present.

Because Scripture gives us both

Warning.
And hope.

Judgment.
And mercy.

Manasseh’s story tells us how bad things can get.
Josiah’s story tells us God is not finished.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.
God can redeem any story...
but wisdom helps ensure we don’t keep repeating it.

Costly or Expensive?

Costly and expensive are two words that sound like synonyms.

But they’re not quite the same.

Both involve sacrifice.
Both require payment.
Both ask something of you.

The difference is meaning.

Something expensive drains you and leaves resentment behind.
Something costly stretches you, but feels worth it.

We all pay high costs in life.
In work.
In parenting.
In faith.
In relationships.

The question is never whether you will pay.
The question is what the payment produces.

Marriage always costs something

Marriage costs time.

Energy.
Comfort.
Money.
Preferences.
Sometimes pride.

There are early mornings.
Late nights.
Hard conversations.
Forgiveness they don't really deserve.
Compromises you didn’t anticipate.

The cost is real.

But the experience of that cost depends on what it’s building.

When marriage feels expensive

A marriage feels expensive when:

• Sacrifice is one-sided
• Effort is unacknowledged
• Love is demanded, not reciprocated
• Giving feels compulsory, not chosen

You pay, but nothing grows.
You give, but feel depleted.
You show up, but feel unappreciated.

That’s when cost turns into expense.

When marriage is costly...but worth it

A marriage is costly when:

• Both people are invested
• Sacrifice is mutual
• Growth follows effort
• Love deepens over time

You pay, but you see fruit.
You give, but you’re also poured into.
You stretch, but the bond strengthens.

The Bible reminds us in John 15:13:

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

Love was never meant to be cheap.
But it was never meant to be wasteful either.

The difference is stewardship

Costly love builds something enduring.

Expensive love consumes without return.

One feels like an investment.
The other feels like a loss.

So maybe the honest question isn’t:
Does marriage cost me something?

It’s this:

Is what I’m paying producing love, peace, growth, and unity...
or just survival?

Because some costs are sacred.
And some expenses are warnings.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.
Not everything that costs you is too expensive...
but everything should be worth it.

Temperance — The Protector Of Intimacy

1 Corinthians 7:5 is a familiar scripture for many married people.

“Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

Many married folks know this verse.

Especially husbands. (winks)

And we are often quick to quote it.

But what if we are simply weaponizing Scripture in certain cases?

What if we are quoting in fragments?

Because the same Bible that speaks about intimacy also speaks about love, consideration, and self-control.

When Scripture is quoted without compassion

I remember a married woman sharing how she endured excruciatingly painful intimacy for years just to “satisfy her husband.”

Whenever she tried to explain her pain, his response was simple:

“I’m sorry… you’re going to have to find a way.”

Later, it was discovered she had dyspareunia... a medical condition that causes painful intercourse.

I know another woman who finds intimacy during a certain time of the month deeply uncomfortable and distressing.

Her husband insists anyway.

And proceeds regardless.

In both cases, Scripture was present...

but temperance was absent.

Consent and agreement are not optional

Go back and read that verse again.

• It doesn’t say demand.
• It doesn’t say coerce.
• It doesn’t say endure at all costs.

It says:

“Unless you both agree.”

Agreement implies:

• Mutual understanding
• Mutual respect
• Mutual compassion

Anything short of that is not biblical intimacy.

It is entitlement.

Temperance is part of the same Bible

In chapter 9, verse 25 of the same book, another scripture stood out:

“And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things.”

Temperance means:

• Self-control
• Moderation
• Balance
• Restraint of appetite and passion

And then it becomes even clearer.

Temperance is listed as part of the fruit of the Spirit, in Galatians 5:22-23.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace… gentleness, and self-control.”

So the same Spirit that blesses intimacy...

also empowers restraint.

It takes temperance to wait

• It takes temperance to say, “I want you...but not at the cost of your pain.”
• It takes temperance to agree to do the "refrain for a season".
• It takes temperance to choose prayer over pressure.
• It takes temperance to choose love over appetite.

Self-control is not the enemy of intimacy.

It is its protector.

Because when intimacy is given under pressure, it stops being a gift.

It becomes a burden.

Intimacy is a gift given in marriage...not a debt owed.

Sex in marriage is a beautiful gift from God.

But like every gift, it must be stewarded wisely.

Temperance helps marriage navigate:

• Illness
• Pain
• Emotional distance
• Trauma
• Recovery seasons

It allows intimacy to remain safe, not forced.

Something desired, not dreaded.

Scripture never empowers one spouse to consume the other.

It calls both to love sacrificially.

This balance keeps intimacy holy.

There will be seasons when intimacy flows freely.

And seasons when it feels a little out of reach.

Temperance is what carries a marriage through those seasons

without harming the bond.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.

Intimacy is a gift in marriage...

temperance is what keeps it loving, safe, and sacred.

May You Not Marry Your Enemy

May you not marry your enemy in the name of Jesus.

The prayer may sound dramatic, but it is powerful.

Dear single,

Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, once gave an instruction that feels especially relevant here:

“Be innocent as doves, but wise as serpents.” - Matthew 10:16

Notice the balance?

He wasn't talking about being suspicious or naive.

He was talking about something pure...but perceptive.

Beyond the glitz, there is a stranger

Strip away the excitement.

The dates.

The sweet words.

The chemistry.

The wedding planning.

The pictures.

The applause.

At its core, marriage is this:

You are formally agreeing to build your entire life with someone you do not fully know.

Not trying to scare you...just stating reality.

No matter how long you’ve dated.

No matter how spiritual they sound.

No matter how well they present.

You never know someone completely.

That’s why wisdom matters.

Never ignore the check in your spirit

If something feels off, don’t rush to explain it away.

Don’t drown it out with excitement.

Don’t silence it with “maybe I’m overthinking.”

Discernment often whispers before danger ever shouts.

The Bible doesn’t tell us to panic...it tells us to pay attention.

“The prudent see danger and take refuge.” - Proverbs 22:3

Wisdom notices patterns.

Wisdom watches consistency.

Wisdom asks questions even when answers are uncomfortable.

Let’s be honest.

Love before marriage often feels intense.

Exciting.

Overwhelming.

Butterflies in the stomach.

Late-night conversations.

The feeling that this must be “the one.”

But butterflies are not loyalty.

They are not character.

They are not commitment.

They leave.

And when they do, what remains is the person...

their habits, values, fears, integrity, anger, generosity, faith, and worldview.

Marriage survives on love in marriage, not infatuation before it.

Education is not wisdom

You can be brilliant and still be foolish in relationships.

That you know many things does not mean you know what matters.

Wisdom is the ability to see clearly and choose well.

And Scripture gives us a gift in James 1:5:

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God… and it will be given.”

God is not stingy with wisdom.

But He expects us to ask...and to listen.

Look before you leap

Your heart.

Your future.

Your peace.

Your calling...may depend on it.

Marriage is not a gamble.

It is not something to rush into because time is passing or pressure is loud.

So I beseech you once again...gently, sincerely:

Look before you leap.

Ask the hard questions.

Pay attention to inconsistencies.

Invite God into your decisions early, not after damage is done.

And may you not marry your enemy...

someone who fights your peace, erodes your faith, or slowly undoes you from the inside.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.

Wisdom today saves years of pain tomorrow.

Notice the Little Things

I saw a Jay Shetty interview where he said: 

"No one will ever love you exactly the way you want."

Not because they don’t care.

Not because they’re unwilling.

But because love doesn’t arrive customized to our preferences.

Love comes and flows through people...

with their personalities, their wiring, their histories, their limitations.

So sometimes love looks like coffee waiting in the morning.

Not poetry.

Sometimes it’s a made bed.

Not a long conversation.

Sometimes it’s a check-in call while you’re on the road,

or food ordered to your hotel room while away from home...

because someone remembered you’d be too tired to decide.

They may not say “I love you” the way you expect.

It may not look like the version of love you rehearsed in your head.

But it is love.

And here’s where many of us miss it.

We focus on what wasn’t done

We point out the one thing they didn’t say.

The one thing they forgot.

The one thing they didn’t do this time.

And while we’re speaking our disappointment,

they’re standing there thinking:

How did you miss everything else I did?

Because love doesn’t grow well under constant critique.

It doesn’t expand under disappointment.

You don’t inspire someone to give more

by making them feel like what they gave didn’t matter.

That’s not how the human heart works.

People lean in when they feel valued.

There’s something powerful about being noticed.

Not for the big, dramatic gestures...

but for the quiet, consistent ones.

When someone realizes their effort landed…

when they feel recognized, not measured…

when their extended love language is acknowledged, even if it’s different from yours…

it makes them feel good.

People don’t love more when they’re made to feel inadequate.

They love more when they feel appreciated.

The Bible doesn’t frame love as demanding perfection.

It frames love as attentive, patient, and generous.

“Love is patient, love is kind…

It keeps no record of wrongs.” - 1 Corinthians 13:4–5

Keeping no record doesn’t mean ignoring hurt.

It means not tallying love like a transaction.

And Scripture also reminds us:

“Encourage one another and build each other up.”- 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Encouragement builds.

Constant disappointment erodes.

This doesn’t mean silence or suppression

Noticing the little things doesn’t mean you never express needs.

It doesn’t mean settling for less than what matters.

It means leading with gratitude before correction.

It means acknowledging effort before requesting growth.

It means understanding that love often shows up imperfectly...but sincerely.

Because when someone knows you see their heart,

they become more open to hearing your needs.

Maybe love isn’t always about asking for more

Maybe sometimes love is about recognizing what’s already there.

The effort that wasn’t announced.

The care that wasn’t dramatic.

The love that didn’t match your script...but showed up anyway.

When the little things are noticed,

they don’t stay little.

They multiply.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.

Sometimes the most loving thing you can do...

is simply pay attention.

Chosen Doesn't Mean Inferior

Hi sisters,
Can we talk for a little bit?
We all know the story of Cinderella.
She wasn’t wealthy.
She didn’t have status.
She didn’t arrive with fanfare.

But she had something none of the other girls had.

And the prince saw it.

That something made her more qualified than even the princesses of the land.

Not because she was lucky.
Not because she was rescued.
But because there was something about her that set her apart.
And that’s where many people misunderstand the story.

Being chosen doesn’t always mean being inferior

Dear young lady,
it doesn’t matter who a man dated before he came to you.
If he could leave them and come to you, then by definition,
you have something they didn’t.

Even if that “something” isn’t flashy.
Even if it doesn’t trend.
Even if it’s simply character, restraint, values, or morals.
Don’t discount that.

Because if those people were all that,
they wouldn’t have exited the picture.

No sane person walks away from gold to pick gravel.
If he chose you, it’s because something about you mattered.

Beware of men who weaponize their past
Now, this part matters.

If you are with a boyfriend or fiancé who is constantly:

• Talking about the people he dated before you
• Showing you pictures unprompted
• Reminding you of “who he could have chosen”
• Framing your relationship like he did you a favor

That’s not transparency.
That’s intimidation.

A subtle attempt to make you feel:

• Less than
• Unworthy
• Indebted
• Replaceable

It’s a way of shrinking you so he can stand taller.
And that is not love.
It's a form of control.

Any relationship built on indebtedness is a trap

If you feel like you:

• Aren’t worthy of the relationship
• Aren’t qualified to be loved
• Should be grateful someone “picked” you
• Owe someone loyalty because they chose you

That relationship is not a blessing.
It’s a setup.

Healthy love doesn’t make you feel lucky to be tolerated.
It makes you feel secure, appreciated, and respected.

Love doesn’t say, “You should be grateful I’m here.”
Love says, “I choose you... and I honor you.”

God never builds relationships on fear or intimidation.
And scripture is clear about this. 1 John 4: 18 says
“Perfect love casts out fear.”

If fear, comparison, or insecurity is what keeps you attached,
that’s not love..it’s bondage.

Cinderella didn’t stay because she felt indebted.
She was chosen because she was worthy.

So be wise
Look before you leap.
Pay attention to how someone talks about their past.
Notice whether you feel affirmed or diminished.
Secure or small.

You are not a consolation prize.
You are not someone’s backup plan.
You are not lucky to be chosen.

If someone chooses you, it’s because you bring something real to the table.
And if someone needs to remind you constantly that they chose you...
they may not be choosing you for the right reasons.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.

Never stay where love has to be earned through fear.

“Since You’re Already Here… You Might As Well”

In my culture, there’s a saying:

“A ò kí ń’wá ilé arúgbó ní ọ̀fẹ́.”

Roughly translated, it means:

You don’t visit the home of an elder and walk away without helping with something.

You don’t just show up, sit down, enjoy the hospitality, and leave untouched.

Presence comes with responsibility.

It’s one of those sayings that sounds simple, but carries weight.

I joke about it with one of my daughters sometimes.

“Dad, here’s the cup of water you asked for.”

I’ll look at her and say,

“Well… since you’re already here, you might as well help take the plates to the sink.”

She rolls her eyes.

“Come on dad! That wasn’t in the original ask.”

Fair point.

But then again… what does it really cost you?

You’re already here.

You’re already headed in that direction.

You might as well.

And that small exchange got me thinking about marriage.

Marriage is full of ‘might as well’ moments

A lot of what makes marriage work isn’t grand gestures.

It’s the accumulation of small, seemingly extra things.

Things that weren’t explicitly asked for.

Things that weren’t in the “original request.”

Things you could technically opt out of.

But you don’t.

Because you’re already here.

Since I’ve decided to be a good husband…

I might as well listen fully, not halfway.

I might as well help without being asked.

I might as well be patient, even when I’m tired.

I might as well choose kindness when irritation would be easier.

Since I’ve committed to being a good wife…

I might as well extend grace.

I might as well speak gently.

I might as well show appreciation.

I might as well care, even when it’s inconvenient.

Marriage isn’t just about doing the minimum required.

It’s about leaning into the role you chose.

Love shows up beyond the original ask

Many marriages struggle not because people are malicious, but because they are minimal.

They do exactly what was asked.

Nothing more.

Nothing extra.

And over time, the relationship feels thin.

The Bible speaks directly to this posture:

“Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might.” - Ecclesiastes 9:10

Not halfway.

Not begrudgingly.

Not only when it’s convenient.

BUT

With intention.

With energy.

With heart.

Marriage thrives when both people live with a “might as well” mindset...

not out of pressure, but out of love.

‘Might as well’ is not being taken advantage of

This isn’t about being a doormat.

It’s not about overextending yourself into resentment.

It’s about recognizing that love often lives in the margins...

in the extra effort,

the unrequested help,

the small acts that say, “I’m here with you.”

When both partners adopt that posture, marriage becomes lighter, not heavier.

Because love isn’t just about fulfilling duties.

It’s about embracing opportunities.

So maybe the question is this

What are the “might as well” moments in my marriage right now?

The small kindness I could offer.

The help I could give.

The grace I could extend.

The effort I could add.

You’re already here.

You already chose each other.

You’re already walking the same path.

You might as well love fully while you’re at it.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works

Sometimes the difference between a functional marriage and a flourishing one is simply doing the extra thing... because you’re already here.

When Green Flags Are Labeled Turn-Offs

I saw a post recently that made me pause.

It said something along the lines of how happily married people often “gatekeep,” because if they openly say the things they actually do in marriage, the women would be called 'pick-me’s and the men would be called simps.

And the more I sat with it, the more uncomfortable the truth became.

It’s strange how the very things that sustain healthy marriages are often mocked in dating culture.

Things like...

• Commitment.
• Consideration.
• Sacrifice.
• Intentionality.
• Emotional safety.
• Mutual submission.

Somehow, those have been rebranded as weaknesses.

We’ve turned wisdom into cringe

There was a time when asking the right questions was seen as maturity.

Now it’s seen as being too serious.

There was a time when desiring alignment was called wisdom.

Now it’s labeled boring.

A man who is gentle, consistent, emotionally present, and clear about his intentions is often dismissed as “too nice.”

A woman who values peace, respect, faith, and structure is quickly labeled “old school” or “doing too much.”

And yet… those are the very traits people pray for after heartbreak.

Attraction has been elevated above alignment

We live in a culture that prioritizes vibes over values.

If it feels exciting, we assume it must be right.

If it feels calm, we assume something is missing.

So when someone talks about discipline, boundaries, patience, communication, or self-control, it sounds unromantic.

It doesn’t give butterflies.

It doesn’t trend well.

But marriage is not sustained by butterflies.

It’s sustained by character.

................................................

Why happily married people sound “different”

People who are happily married don’t speak from theory.

They speak from practice.

They know what actually matters at 2 a.m.

They know what carries a marriage through grief, sickness, money stress, unmet expectations, dry seasons, and conflict.

So when they say things like:

• Choose character over charm
• Don’t ignore red flags
• Peace matters
• Alignment matters
• Love is work, but it’s good work.

It can sound like gatekeeping to people who are still romanticizing chaos.

Not because the advice is wrong...

but because it threatens the stories we want to believe.

The Bible has always acknowledged that wisdom won’t always be popular.

Proverbs 1:20 &25 “Wisdom cries aloud in the street… but they would have none of my counsel.”

And Jesus Himself said that the narrow way wouldn’t be crowded.

Healthy love has always been countercultural.

It still is.

The irony

What many people call turn-offs in the attraction phase are often the very things they demand in marriage.

Suddenly, faith matters.

Communication matters.

Consistency matters.

Emotional maturity matters.

Sacrifice matters.

The problem isn’t that the standards are wrong.

It’s that they were postponed until feelings had already done damage.

So maybe the question isn’t “Why are they gatekeeping?”

Maybe the real question is:

Why does wisdom sound unattractive until we’ve been wounded enough to respect it?

Happily married people aren’t hiding secrets.

They’re just speaking a language that only makes sense when you’re ready to build something real.

And not everything meant to last will be instantly appealing.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.

Sometimes the green flags don’t sparkle...

they steady you.

Sometimes, a Healthy Marriage Has to Pass Gas

January 7th was National Pass Gas Day in the U.S.

Ewww… right?

Nobody wants to talk about it.

Nobody wants to be around it.

And yet… it’s a completely normal and healthy bodily function.

In fact, doctors will tell you it:

• Relieves bloating and abdominal pain
• Indicates a healthy gut and diet
• Serves as a health indicator
• Promotes colon health

Uncomfortable? Yes.

Necessary? Also yes.

And that got me thinking about marriage.

Healthy marriages have moments that feel… gross

From a couple’s perspective, staying healthy doesn’t always look pretty.

There are conversations that feel awkward.

Admissions that smell unpleasant.

Truths that make the room uncomfortable.

But avoiding them doesn’t make the marriage healthier.

It just creates pressure.

Just like the body, when things aren’t released, discomfort builds.

Eventually, it hurts.

Not everything that’s healthy feels good

In marriage, there are things we’d rather hold in:

• Unspoken resentment
• Lingering disappointment
• Unmet expectations
• Financial tension
• Emotional fatigue
• Hard truths about habits, priorities, or patterns

They don’t feel romantic to talk about.

They don’t feel “nice.”

But they are necessary.

The Bible encourages us, in Ephesians 4:15,  to: “Speak the truth in love.”

Notice it doesn’t say only speak what’s pleasant.

It says speak what’s true, but with care.

Passing gas isn’t rude...holding it forever is harmful

A marriage that never addresses tension isn’t peaceful.

It’s pressurized.

And pressure doesn’t disappear on its own.

It leaks.

It erupts.

It damages intimacy.

Healthy couples learn how to:

• Address issues early
• Laugh through awkwardness
• Be honest without cruelty
• Clear the air regularly

Not to embarrass each other...

but to protect the relationship.

So here’s the real question

What “gas” do you need to pass this year to keep your marriage healthy?

Is it:

• A hard conversation you’ve been postponing?
• A boundary that needs to be set?
• An apology you’ve delayed?
• A pattern that needs to be named?
• A need that hasn’t been voiced?

It may feel awkward.

It may not smell great in the moment.

But relief usually follows honesty.

Because health isn’t about comfort

It’s about function.

Flow.

Freedom.

A healthy marriage isn’t one where nothing uncomfortable ever happens.

It’s one where uncomfortable things don’t get trapped.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.

Sometimes, love looks like clearing the air...even when it’s awkward.

Deadly Sin #7: Sloth in Marriage — Love Can Become Too Lazy To Show Up

I found a definition for the term Sloth - Excessive laziness.

 

In marriage, it looks like exhaustion.

Like busyness.

Like “we’re just in a season.”

Sloth is not always refusing to act.

Often, it’s choosing not to engage.

It’s when effort fades, when curiosity dies, when presence becomes optional.

It’s when love is assumed instead of practiced.

And marriage feels it deeply.

............................................

What sloth looks like in marriage

Sloth shows up when love becomes autopilot.

When we stop trying.

It sounds like:

“I’m just tired.”

“We’ll talk about it later.”

“This is just how marriage is after a while.”

“I don’t have the energy to deal with this.”

It looks like:

Conversations reduced to logistics

Affection replaced with routine

Conflict avoided instead of resolved

Romance postponed indefinitely

Emotional needs dismissed as “too much”

Sloth has a way of creeping in and settling in quietly...and we interpret it as survival.

...............................................

What sloth does to marriage

Sloth starves intimacy.

Not with cruelty.

But with neglect.

It teaches the marriage to live without repair.

Without pursuit.

Without delight.

The Bible warns us about this kind of drift in Romans 12:11:

“Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit.”

When zeal fades, slothfulness emerges, and distance grows.

And the danger of sloth is not that it destroys marriage loudly...

it allows it to fade silently.

Many marriages don’t end because of betrayal or conflict.

They end because both people simply stopped reaching.

..................................................

What the Bible calls us to instead

Love was never meant to be passive.

The Bible says “Let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” - 1 John 3:18

Marriage requires cultivation.

Presence.

Intentionality.

The Bible also reminds us in Colossians 3:23, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart.”

That includes loving your spouse.

Sloth convinces us that love should run on momentum.

Wisdom reminds us that love runs on choice.

...............................................

Guarding against sloth in marriage

Sloth is defeated through intentional pursuit.

To stay healthy, couples need to practice this deliberately:

• Schedule connection, not just responsibilities

• Initiate affection even when it feels awkward

• Address small disconnects early

• Protect time for each other

• Pray together...spiritual intimacy fuels emotional closeness

And remember this:

Sloth says, “I’ll show up when I feel like it.”

Love says, “I show up because I committed.”

Marriage isn't fueled by vows alone.

It stays alive on effort...repeated, imperfect, intentional effort.

Because love isn’t sustained by intensity.

It’s sustained by consitent presence.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.

When love keeps showing up, even tired hearts can reconnect.

Deadly Sin #6: Greed in Marriage — When “Mine” Matters More Than “Ours”

You hear the word GREED and the first thing that comes to mind is money.

But not necessarily in marriage; because greed can also hide behind words like security, fairness, self-preservation, or being practical.

 

It rarely announces itself as selfishness.

It shows up as holding back.

Greed is not just wanting more.

It’s wanting more for yourself, even when it costs the marriage.

.....................................................

What greed looks like in marriage

Greed shows up when marriage becomes transactional.

It sounds like:

“I earned this.”

“That’s my money.”

“I’m not sacrificing anymore.”

“I’ve already given enough.”

Greed can show up financially...separate lives, hidden spending, power struggles over money.

But it can also show up emotionally and spiritually.

It looks like:

• Withholding affection as leverage
• Guarding vulnerability instead of sharing it
• Hoarding time, energy, or effort
• Measuring contribution instead of serving freely

Greed keeps receipts.

It tallies sacrifices.

It asks, “What am I getting back?”

And once marriage starts asking that question regularly, intimacy begins to shrink.

.....................................................

What greed does to marriage

• Greed fractures unity.
• It turns partnership into negotiation.
• It makes generosity feel risky.
• It replaces trust with control.

The Bible says in Ecclesiasted 5:10:

“Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied.”

Greed is insatiable by nature.

It always needs justification.

And in marriage, it quietly erodes oneness.

Because the covenant was never meant to be about equal exchange.

It was meant to be about mutual surrender.

...........................................

What the Bible calls us to instead

Marriage reflects a deeper spiritual truth... self-giving love.

The Bible calls us to: “In humility value others above yourselves,

not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” - Philippians 2:3–4

That doesn’t mean neglecting yourself.

It means refusing to build a life where only one person is protected.

Acts 20:35 also reminds us that: “It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

In marriage, generosity isn’t weakness.

It’s trust in action.

When both spouses live open-handed... with money, time, forgiveness, effort,

marriage becomes a place of abundance, not scarcity.

.........................................

Guarding against greed in marriage

Greed is guarded against through shared vision.

Healthy couples do this intentionally:

• Talk openly about money and values...secrecy breeds power struggles

• Practice generosity together...giving realigns the heart

• Decide jointly, not individually, on major expenditures

• Give freely without keeping score

• Remember that marriage is not 50/50... it’s 100/100

And remember this:

Greed asks, “What’s mine?”

Love asks, “What do we need?”

Marriage thrives when both people believe that giving doesn’t diminish them...

it binds them.

Because a marriage built on protection will always feel tight.

But a marriage built on generosity will always have room to grow.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.

When hands stay open, love flows freely.

Deadly Sin #5: Wrath in Marriage - Anger Without Guardrails

Let's start by establishing that wrath is not the same thing as anger.
Anger is human.
Wrath is anger that has refused restraint.
Wrath is anger that stays too long,
speaks too harshly,
and will not let go of past mistake.

In marriage, wrath doesn’t just pop up.
It builds.
It simmers.
It collects evidence.
Until one day, it explodes...
or worse, it freezes everything around it.

...........................

What wrath looks like in marriage

Wrath shows up when anger stops serving truth and starts serving punishment.
It sounds like:
“I’m done explaining.”
“You always do this.”

“You deserve how I’m acting.”

“I’ll talk when I’m ready.”

Wrath weaponizes silence.
It sharpens words.
It brings up old wounds to win new arguments.
Sometimes it’s loud...yelling, sarcasm, intimidation.
Sometimes it’s quiet...withdrawal, contempt, emotional shutdown.
BUT both wound deeply.
And the most dangerous thing about wrath is that it often feels justified.

..................................

What wrath does to marriage

Wrath erodes safety.
It teaches your spouse that honesty is risky.
That vulnerability will be punished.
That conflict is not something to navigate... but something to survive.
The Bible is clear about this in James 1:20:
“Human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”

Wrath doesn’t correct behavior... it creates fear.
It doesn’t heal conflict...it deepens distance.
Over time, wrath trains a marriage to avoid hard conversations instead of resolving them.
And avoidance doesn’t preserve peace...it buries landmines. It postpones the "evil" day.

...............................

What the Bible calls us to instead

God does not command us to never feel anger.
He commands us to manage it, in Ephesians 4:26.
“Be angry, and do not sin.
Do not let the sun go down on your anger.”

Anger acknowledged is manageable.
Anger ignored becomes destructive.
Scripture goes further, in Proverbs 15:1:
“A gentle answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger.” 

Gentleness is not weakness.
It’s how we put strength under control.

In marriage, gentleness sounds like:
“I’m upset, but I want to understand.”
“I need a moment, but I’ll come back.”
“That hurt me...let’s talk.”

...............................

Guarding against wrath in marriage

Wrath is not defeated by suppression.
It’s defeated by discipline.

Here’s how couples guard well:
• Name anger early...don’t wait until it erupts
• Take time-outs with intention...pause, don’t punish
• Attack the issue, not the person
• Refuse contempt...eye-rolling, sarcasm, mockery poison love
• Pray before you speak...wrath hates interruption

And remember this:
Wrath asks, “How do I make you feel what I feel?”
Love asks, “How do we get back to peace?”
Marriage thrives where anger is allowed to speak...
but never allowed to rule.
Because unresolved anger doesn’t just damage moments.
It reshapes the atmosphere of a home.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.
When anger is guided by love, conflict becomes a path to connection...not destruction.

Deadly Sin #4: Gluttony in Marriage — Appetite Without Restraint

Ever seen or heard of men who haven't paid their children's school fees or the house rent but always seem to have money to get drunk almost everyday?

Gluttony is an excessive ongoing eating of food or drink, or the overconsumption of ANYTHING to the point of excess.

Let's say it is:

Too much eating.

Too much drinking.

Too much indulgence.

But within the context of marriage, gluttony is far more subtle...and far more destructive.

Gluttony is not about having needs.

It’s about having no restraint.

It’s the habit of overconsumption without consideration.

The posture of “I want what I want, when I want it.”

The belief that desire itself justifies excess.

And it doesn't take long before marriage starts to feel the weight.

........................................

What gluttony looks like in marriage

Gluttony shows up anytime appetite goes unchecked...not just at the table, but in life.

It is the justification we give excesses; it sounds like:

“I deserve this.”

“This is how I cope.”

“I work hard...let me enjoy myself.”

“Why should I limit myself?”

In marriage, gluttony can look like:

- Overindulgence in food, alcohol, or substances that affect presence and health

- Excessive spending without mutual agreement

- Endless consumption of entertainment while neglecting connection. (Scrolling endlessly on your device while your spouse is CONSTANTLY starved of attention)

- Emotional overeating...constantly needing validation, comfort, or reassurance

- Sexual indulgence detached from mutual care and emotional intimacy

Gluttony isn’t always loud.

Sometimes it’s just habitual.

And that’s what makes it dangerous.

.........................................

What gluttony does to marriage

Gluttony trains the heart to prioritize appetite over agreement.

It says, “My cravings matter more than our covenant.”

It slowly shifts marriage from partnership to tolerance.

Because when one person consumes excessively, the other eventually compensates...

with silence, resentment, exhaustion, or control.

The Bible warns us clearly:

“Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat,

for drunkards and gluttons become poor,

and drowsiness clothes them in rags.” - Proverbs 23:20–21

Notice the outcome isn’t immediate destruction.

It’s erosion.

Gluttony dulls awareness.

It numbs responsibility.

It weakens discipline.

And marriage suffers quietly in the background.

....................................

What the Bible calls us to instead

God is not anti-pleasure.

He is pro-stewardship.

1 Corinthians 10:31 says, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

That verse isn’t about restriction...

it’s about intention.

Glory requires mindfulness.

Honor requires restraint.

Love requires consideration.

Marriage flourishes when both partners practice self-control...not denial, but discernment.

After all, “The fruit of the Spirit is… self-control.” according to Galatians 5:22–23

Self-control isn’t punishment.

It’s protection.

.....................................

Guarding against gluttony in marriage

You don’t guard against gluttony by shaming desire.

You guard against it by ordering desire.

Healthy couples practice this intentionally:

• Check appetites together...talk about habits that affect the marriage

• Practice moderation openly...not secretly or defensively

• Name coping mechanisms honestly...excess often masks pain

• Create shared rhythms...meals, rest, intimacy, presence

• Invite accountability without ridicule...love corrects gently

And remember this:

While Gluttony asks, “Why not more?”

Wisdom asks, “What’s enough?”

Marriage thrives when desire is guided by care,

when enjoyment is balanced by responsibility,

and when restraint becomes an act of love, not deprivation.

Because unchecked appetite doesn’t just consume resources...

it consumes intimacy.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.

When restraint leads, love has room to grow.

Deadly Sin #3: Envy in Marriage — Comparison vs. Contentment

Let's go with this definition of Envy - A selfish sadness at the prosperity of others, sometimes combined with a desire to destroy it.

Envy moves from a place of curiousity...it doesn’t always show up angry.

It scrolls.

It observes.

It quietly measures.

And before you realize it, marriage is no longer being evaluated on its own merit...

it’s being compared to someone else’s highlight reel.

Envy is subtle in marriage because it rarely says, “I want what they have.”

It says, “Why don’t we have that?”

...................................

What envy looks like in marriage

Envy shows up when gratitude fades and comparison creeps in.

It sounds like:

“Other couples seem happier.”

“Why doesn’t my spouse do that?”

“Their marriage looks more exciting.”

“We’re not where we should be.”

Envy makes you overlook what’s working while obsessing over what’s missing.

It turns appreciation into dissatisfaction.

It makes your spouse feel inadequate without ever saying the word.

And the dangerous thing about envy is that it often feels reasonable.

It disguises itself as aspiration.

But aspiration inspires growth while envy breeds resentment.

...................................

What envy does to marriage

Envy corrodes contentment.

It slowly convinces you that what God gave you is inferior.

That the life you’re building is somehow lacking.

That love should look like someone else’s version.

The Bible says SPECIFICALLY in Proverbs 14:30: “A heart at peace gives life to the body,

but envy rots the bones.”

Notice the language... rots.

Not breaks.

Not attacks.

Envy decays quietly, from the inside out.

In marriage, it:

• Undermines respect
• Diminishes joy
• Creates unrealistic expectations
• Makes growth feel like failure

Eventually, couples stop celebrating each other and start competing with imagined standards.

...................................

What the Bible calls us to instead

Marriage was never meant to be lived in comparison.

Galatians 6 verse 4 says “Let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor.”

God’s design for marriage is not duplication... it’s faithfulness.

Your marriage doesn’t need to look like theirs.

It needs to be obedient, honest, growing, and rooted.

And Scripture also reminds us in 1 Timothy 6:6:

“Godliness with contentment is great gain.”

That you are content does not mean you are complacent.

It’s peace with the process God has you in.

.....................................

Guarding against envy in marriage

You don’t guard against envy by isolating yourself from others.

You guard against it by anchoring your heart.

Here’s how couples do that well:

• Practice daily gratitude...name what’s good now

• Limit unhealthy comparison...especially online

• Celebrate other marriages without measuring yours against them

• Talk openly about unmet expectations...silence feeds envy

• Invite God into your desires...don’t let them fester unspoken

And remember this:

Envy asks, “Why them? Why not us?”

Wisdom asks, “What is God forming in us?”

Marriage thrives when comparison stops and curiosity turns inward...

not to criticize, but to cultivate.

Because the grass is rarely greener.

It’s usually just watered differently.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.

When contentment grows, love has room to breathe.

Deadly Sin #2: Lust in Marriage — Unbridled Desire

Lust can be easily misunderstood in marriage, because of the definition - The disordered desire for or enjoyment of sexual pleasure.

One may start to think lust only matters before the wedding...

that once vows are exchanged, desire becomes automatically holy, safe, and harmless.

But lust doesn’t disappear because a ring appears.

It just changes shape.

In marriage, lust isn’t necessarily about wanting someone else.

Sometimes it’s about wanting more without responsibility.

Wanting pleasure without presence.

Wanting intimacy without emotional connection.

Wanting the benefits of covenant without the discipline of it.

......................................

What lust looks like in marriage

Lust shows up when desire becomes self-centered.

It sounds like:

“I need you to meet my needs.”

“You’re not doing enough.”

“I deserve more than this.”

“This marriage should satisfy me.”

Lust reduces your spouse from a person to a provider.

A body instead of a soul.

A means instead of a partner.

It can show up sexually...through pornography, fantasy, comparison, or infidelity.

But it can also show up emotionally...craving attention, validation, or connection from outside the marriage because it feels easier, safer, or more exciting.

And slowly, desire detaches from devotion.

.......................................

What lust does to marriage

Lust trains the heart to consume instead of cherish.

It makes intimacy transactional.

It turns affection into expectation.

It pressures your spouse to perform instead of connect.

Over time, lust erodes safety.

Because when someone feels used instead of known,

wanted instead of valued,

desired instead of loved...

distance grows.

The Bible is direct about this in 1 Thessalonians 4:4–5, "Each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God.”

Notice the emphasis: control.

Not suppression.

Not denial.

But stewardship.

Desire itself is not the enemy.

Disordered desire is.

..........................................

What the Bible calls us to instead

Biblical intimacy is not about taking...it’s about giving.

1 Corinthians 7:3 says "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.”

That word duty isn’t cold.

It’s mutual responsibility, mutual care, mutual honor.

Sex in marriage was designed to deepen unity...not feed entitlement.

To bond hearts...not measure worth.

To express love...not demand it.

While Lust says, “This is for me.”

Love says, “This is for us.”

.......................................

Guarding against lust in marriage

You don’t guard against lust by pretending it can’t happen.

You guard against it by cultivating intentional intimacy.

Here’s how couples can guard well:

• Prioritize emotional connection...talk beyond logistics

• Protect your eyes and imagination...comparison kills desire at home

• Name dissatisfaction early...unspoken hunger grows teeth

• Pursue your spouse...romance doesn’t expire with vows

• Pray for purity together...lust weakens in the light

And remember this:

Lust asks, “What can I get?”

Love asks, “How can I give?”

Marriage thrives when desire is anchored in and to covenant,

and pleasure flows from presence, not pressure.

Because the goal of intimacy isn’t gratification...

it’s oneness.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.

When desire is disciplined by love, marriage becomes a safe place to want and be wanted.

Deadly Sin #1: Pride in Marriage — “I” Over “Us”

From a Biblical lens, let's define pride as “self-respect or improper and excessive self-esteem known as conceit or arrogance.” 

It can also be defined as elevating one`s opinions and thoughts above God`s authoritative Word

So how does that play out in marriage? Since it rarely announces itself in the union.

It doesn’t usually walk in shouting, “I’m better than you.”

It whispers instead.

It settles in quietly.

It disguises itself as strength, confidence, boundaries, independence, or “knowing your worth.”

And before you realize it, pride has changed the atmosphere in the relationship.

Marriage stops being us against the world

and becomes me protecting myself from you.

.............................................

What pride looks like in marriage

Pride shows up the moment we get to that place where listening feels optional.

When apologies feel unnecessary.

When being right matters more than being reconciled.

It sounds like:

“That’s just how I am.”

“I don’t see why I should apologize.”

“If they don’t change first, I won’t.”

“I’m not the problem.”

Pride keeps score.

It remembers wrongs.

It withholds softness until it feels “deserved.”

And the most dangerous version of pride in marriage is not arrogance...

it’s defensiveness.

Because defensiveness says, “I am always on guard.”

And love cannot thrive where walls are permanent.

.............................................

What pride does to marriage

Pride slowly replaces curiosity with assumptions.

It turns conversations into competitions.

It makes correction feel like attack.

It makes vulnerability feel unsafe.

Eventually, pride erodes intimacy...not just emotionally, but spiritually.

Because prayer becomes harder when humility is absent.

And unity becomes fragile when surrender disappears.

Scripture didn't mince words: 

“Pride goes before destruction,

and a haughty spirit before a fall.” - Proverbs 16:18»

Notice it doesn’t say pride causes immediate collapse.

It says destruction comes after pride has had time to work.

That’s why many marriages don’t break suddenly.

They break slowly...through unresolved tension, cold distance, and silent standoffs.

.........................................

What the Bible calls us to instead

Marriage was never meant to be a power struggle.

It was meant to be a partnership shaped by humility.

The Bible says “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” - Ephesians 5:21

Mutual submission requires something pride resists:

the willingness to lower yourself without losing your value.

Jesus modeled this clearly. And Aposle Paul alluded to this in Philippians 2:3,

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.

Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” 

Humility is not weakness.

It’s strength that doesn’t need to dominate.

In marriage, humility sounds like:

“Help me understand.”

“I may be wrong.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Let’s fix this together.”

............................................

Guarding against pride in marriage

You don’t defeat pride with willpower.

You defeat it with practice.

Here are some subtle, yet powerful ways couples guard against pride:

• Practice quick repentance...don’t let days pass before addressing hurt

• Choose understanding over winning

• Ask more questions than you make statements

• Invite feedback without punishment

• Pray together...pride hates shared dependence on God

And maybe most importantly:

Remember that marriage is not about proving your strength.

It’s about protecting your unity.

Pride builds walls.

Humility builds bridges.

And the marriage that lasts isn’t the one where both people are flawless...

it’s the one where both are willing to bow.

Not to each other as enemies,

but to God as partners.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.

Because when pride decreases, love has room to grow.

When the Seven Deadly Sins Show Up In Marriage

As I reflected on the year 2025, I found myself thinking about the seven deadly sins.

Pride. Lust. Envy. Gluttony. Greed. Wrath. Sloth.

We often talk about them in abstract, churchy ways...

like some distant theological concepts, or dramatic moral failures.

But if they show up in everyday life,

they most certainly show up in marriage.

Not always loud.

Not always obvious.

They tend to show up as personality, stress, preferences, or “this is just how I am.”

Marriage doesn’t create sin...

it reveals it.

Because marriage is close enough to expose motives, habits, fears, appetites, and wounds.

There’s nowhere to hide for long.

.................................

The quiet way sin enters marriage

Rarely does a marriage collapse because of one explosive moment.

More often, it erodes because something small was allowed to stay.

Pride sounds like: “I’m not the problem.”

Lust whispers: “I deserve more than this.”

Envy compares: “Other marriages look happier.”

Gluttony consumes: “I want without restraint.”

Greed hoards: “Mine matters more.”

Wrath reacts: “I’ll hurt you back.”

Sloth avoids: “I’m tired of trying.”

None of these arrive announcing themselves.

They move in quietly, set up furniture, and before we know it, we call it normal.

...........................................

What they do to marriage

Left unchecked, the deadly sins don’t just affect behavior...

they shape the culture of a home.

They distort communication.

They poison intimacy.

They shift marriage from partnership to power struggle.

They turn “us” into “me vs you.”

They are not called deadly for dramatic effect.

They are deadly because they kill connection.

The Bible says in Song of Solomon 2:15 “It is the little foxes that spoil the vine.”

Marriages rarely fall apart from one giant fox.

They suffer from many small ones.

The Bible doesn’t ignore this

Scripture is remarkably honest about human nature...even in a covenant relationship like marriage.

It calls out pride before it hardens hearts.

It warns against lust before it fractures intimacy.

It confronts envy before it turns love bitter.

It challenges wrath before it becomes cruelty.

It speaks against laziness before it becomes neglect.

Not because God is against pleasure, desire, or rest...

but because He is fiercely for wholeness.

Marriage was designed to be a place of growth, not indulgence.

Refinement, not entitlement.

Oneness, not dominance.

..................................

Guarding against what is deadly

Guarding a marriage isn’t about perfection.

It’s about awareness.

You can’t fight what you won’t name.

You can’t heal what you keep justifying.

And you can’t grow past what you refuse to confront.

That’s why I want to slow this down.

Not to accuse.

Not to shame.

But to examine.

Over the next seven posts, I want us to look at each deadly sin...

not in theory, but in marriage.

What it looks like when it shows up.

How it disguises itself.

What it does over time.

What Scripture says.

And how couples can guard against it...together.

Because sin thrives in secrecy.

But growth begins with light.

Marriage doesn’t need more pretending.

It needs more honesty, humility, and grace.

So this isn’t a call to point fingers.

It’s an invitation to look inward...

and then lean toward each other.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.

Because guarding your marriage is an act of love.