Temperance — The Protector Of Intimacy

1 Corinthians 7:5 is a familiar scripture for many married people.

“Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

Many married folks know this verse.

Especially husbands. (winks)

And we are often quick to quote it.

But what if we are simply weaponizing Scripture in certain cases?

What if we are quoting in fragments?

Because the same Bible that speaks about intimacy also speaks about love, consideration, and self-control.

When Scripture is quoted without compassion

I remember a married woman sharing how she endured excruciatingly painful intimacy for years just to “satisfy her husband.”

Whenever she tried to explain her pain, his response was simple:

“I’m sorry… you’re going to have to find a way.”

Later, it was discovered she had dyspareunia... a medical condition that causes painful intercourse.

I know another woman who finds intimacy during a certain time of the month deeply uncomfortable and distressing.

Her husband insists anyway.

And proceeds regardless.

In both cases, Scripture was present...

but temperance was absent.

Consent and agreement are not optional

Go back and read that verse again.

• It doesn’t say demand.
• It doesn’t say coerce.
• It doesn’t say endure at all costs.

It says:

“Unless you both agree.”

Agreement implies:

• Mutual understanding
• Mutual respect
• Mutual compassion

Anything short of that is not biblical intimacy.

It is entitlement.

Temperance is part of the same Bible

In chapter 9, verse 25 of the same book, another scripture stood out:

“And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things.”

Temperance means:

• Self-control
• Moderation
• Balance
• Restraint of appetite and passion

And then it becomes even clearer.

Temperance is listed as part of the fruit of the Spirit, in Galatians 5:22-23.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace… gentleness, and self-control.”

So the same Spirit that blesses intimacy...

also empowers restraint.

It takes temperance to wait

• It takes temperance to say, “I want you...but not at the cost of your pain.”
• It takes temperance to agree to do the "refrain for a season".
• It takes temperance to choose prayer over pressure.
• It takes temperance to choose love over appetite.

Self-control is not the enemy of intimacy.

It is its protector.

Because when intimacy is given under pressure, it stops being a gift.

It becomes a burden.

Intimacy is a gift given in marriage...not a debt owed.

Sex in marriage is a beautiful gift from God.

But like every gift, it must be stewarded wisely.

Temperance helps marriage navigate:

• Illness
• Pain
• Emotional distance
• Trauma
• Recovery seasons

It allows intimacy to remain safe, not forced.

Something desired, not dreaded.

Scripture never empowers one spouse to consume the other.

It calls both to love sacrificially.

This balance keeps intimacy holy.

There will be seasons when intimacy flows freely.

And seasons when it feels a little out of reach.

Temperance is what carries a marriage through those seasons

without harming the bond.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.

Intimacy is a gift in marriage...

temperance is what keeps it loving, safe, and sacred.