I recently came across a Japanese concept called Wabi-Sabi.
At its heart, it is the idea that there is beauty in things that are imperfect, unfinished, and marked by time.
Not despite the flaws.
Because of them.
Think of an old wooden table.
The scratches tell stories.
The worn edges reveal years of use.
The imperfections become part of its beauty.
Modern culture struggles with this.
We like it new...
Perfect. Polished. Even filtered.
And if we're not careful, we bring that same mindset into marriage.
We marry an imperfect person.
Then spend years being surprised by their imperfections.
The husband leaves wet towels where they don't belong.
The wife processes emotions differently than we expected.
One is punctual.
The other lives on "almost there."
And suddenly what made them unique becomes evidence for why they're difficult.
The problem is not that we discovered flaws.
The problem is that we expected perfection.
Marriage has a way of exposing this.
Because proximity removes the filters.
Eventually you meet the real person.
Not their dating representative/avatar.
Not their best behavior.
Them. (The real them gangan. Like we say in my culture)
And they meet you too.
That's when a choice presents itself.
Will I spend my life trying to sand away every rough edge?
Or can I learn to appreciate the beauty of a human being still under construction?
Just so we are clear...
Wabi-Sabi is not an excuse for sin.
It is not permission for abuse.
It is not a license for laziness or refusing to grow.
Scripture expects and calls us to transformation.
To become more like Christ.
To put away sinful patterns.
To pursue holiness.
But there is a difference between a flaw and a failure.
A weakness and wickedness.
An imperfection and rebellion.
Many marriages suffer because people keep treating imperfections like offenses.
A spouse that forgot... Again.
A spouse that isn't naturally organized.
A spouse that communicates differently.
A spouse that has insecurities they're still working through.
And before long, the marriage becomes a renovation project.
Everybody is trying to fix everybody else.
Yet Scripture tells us in Colossians 3:13 to,
"Bear with one another."
Bear with.
Not merely tolerate.
Not endlessly criticize.
Not constantly compare.
Bear with.
There is something deeply beautiful about being fully known...
and still loved.
About having scars and not needing to hide them.
About growing older together.
About seeing the unfinished parts and choosing commitment anyway.
In fact, some of the strongest marriages I've seen are not the ones that look perfect.
They're the ones that have survived disappointment, misunderstandings, financial struggles, health challenges, parenting battles, and seasons of distance...
and somehow emerged softer.
Kinder.
Wiser.
Like a piece of pottery repaired with gold.
The cracks didn't disappear.
But the restoration became part of the beauty.
Maybe that's one of God's greatest gifts in marriage.
Not finding someone flawless.
But learning to love someone faithfully while God continues His work in both of you.
Philippians 1:6 reminds us that He who began a good work in us will carry it on to completion.
Completion.
Which suggests none of us are there yet.
Not your spouse.
Not you.
Perhaps a healthy marriage is simply two imperfect people extending grace while God continues the renovation.
Not celebrating sin.
Not ignoring growth.
But appreciating the beauty that exists in things still being transformed.
That sounds a lot like Wabi-Sabi.
And perhaps...
a little like marriage too.
👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.
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