“If the hunter only considered what he went through to catch the game… he wouldn’t share the meat with anyone.”
And honestly?
That explains a lot about how some people approach marriage.
I know a guy who grew up in a house where everybody labelled their food in the refrigerator.
Touch the wrong thing…
and war would break out.
Nothing was shared casually.
Everything had ownership attached to it.
And beneath that behavior was a deeper lesson they were all being taught without realizing it:
Protect yourself.
Trust nobody.
Hold tightly to what’s yours.
Some people were not raised in environments of safety.
They were raised in survival mode.
Where vulnerability was dangerous.
Where scarcity shaped thinking.
Where sharing felt risky because there might not be enough left for you.
So they learned to keep score.
To guard resources.
To use access as leverage.
To hold back emotionally just in case.
The problem is…
survival habits don’t disappear automatically because we got married.
They follow us into the relationship quietly.
Now generosity feels uncomfortable.
Transparency feels unsafe.
Partnership feels threatening.
Even love becomes transactional.
“I suffered for this money.”
“I worked hard for this.”
“I can’t just give everything.”
And to be fair…
their feelings are real.
Because pain trains people deeply.
But marriage cannot thrive where survival mode remains the operating system.
The Bible says,
“the two shall become one.”
Not roommates negotiating survival.
One.
That kind of unity requires openness.
Sharing.
Trust.
Vulnerability.
And vulnerability is difficult for people who spent most of their lives learning how not to need anybody.
That’s why some people struggle to lean on their spouse emotionally.
Or share fully.
Or soften.
Not because they are wicked.
Because self-protection became instinct.
But what kept you safe growing up…
may quietly damage intimacy in marriage.
Philippians 2:3-4 says,
“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
That sounds beautiful…
until self-preservation has been your survival strategy for years.
Which is why some things must be unlearned intentionally.
They don't have to be denied or ignored.
They NEED to be unlearned.
And that takes humility.
The ability to say,
“This protected me once… but it may be hurting us now.”
If you’re single, learn this before marriage.
Because marriage exposes selfishness very quickly.
And if you’re already married…
don’t just fight the behavior.
Try to understand the root.
Sometimes your spouse is not withholding because they hate you.
They’re withholding because somewhere in life they learned:
“If I don’t protect myself, nobody will.”
Healing starts when both people become safe enough to relearn love together.
Not survival.
Love.
The kind that shares freely.
Trusts wisely.
Softens gradually.
And no longer treats partnership like loss.
Because marriage was never designed to be two people fighting to preserve themselves.
It was designed to be two people learning how to become one.
👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.
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