I have written about preferences and non-negotiables in the past...
but recently I was having a conversation with a single lady about the same topic.
And somewhere in the conversation, it became obvious that she was struggling to separate the two.
Everything felt equally important.
The problem with that is life doesn't treat everything equally.
Neither should you.
So I asked her a question.
A slightly uncomfortable one.
"God forbid, but if 15 years from now you're still searching...
what are the things you would be willing to overlook in a man?
And what are the things you would never compromise on... even if it meant never getting married?"
It got quiet... then she stopped arguing.
Because that question forces clarity.
The first list reveals your preferences.
The second reveals your convictions.
And many people have accidentally switched the two.
Preferences are things you would like.
Convictions are things you require.
One is about comfort.
The other is about foundation.
Height?
Usually a preference.
Hair?
Preference.
Career path?
Often a preference.
Whether they laugh at your jokes?
Probably a preference.
BUT
Character?
Not a preference.
Integrity?
Not a preference.
Love for God/Fear of God?
Not a preference.
Teachability?
Not a preference.
Emotional maturity?
Not a preference.
Yet sometimes we hold tightly to things that won't matter in twenty years...
while becoming flexible about things that absolutely will.
Isn’t it funny how quickly preferences change when time passes?
The person who swore they would never marry someone under six feet suddenly becomes interested in kindness.
The person who had a long checklist starts paying attention to peace.
Because life has a way of teaching us what actually matters.
Jesus spoke about building a house on rock versus sand.
The difference wasn't appearance.
It was foundation.
The storm revealed what mattered.
Marriage does the same thing.
Eventually, the storms come.
And when they do, nobody cares how perfect the packaging was.
The question becomes:
What is this relationship built on?
I'm not suggesting you lower your standards.
Not at all.
I'm suggesting you identify which standards are actually standards.
And which ones are simply preferences disguising as standards.
Because flexibility is healthy in the right places.
But dangerous in the wrong ones.
So maybe ask yourself the question.
If marriage never happened...
what qualities would still matter to me?
What convictions would I refuse to trade?
What kind of person would I still want to be connected to?
Your answers will tell you a lot.
Because desperation blurs vision.
But conviction creates clarity.
Know the difference.
And you'll make far better decisions.
👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.
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