We Have Too Much at Stake

One of the more memorable moments from my recent 9ja trip started with a car overheating.

We were somewhere around Ojota when the AC suddenly stopped working.

At first, it felt like one of those minor inconveniences you hope will fix itself.

It didn't.

The engine temperature was climbing.

The driver pulled over.

After a bit of investigation, we discovered the coolant level was dangerously low.

Not ideal.

But manageable...so the driver pulled into a popular filling station around that axis.

Then things got interesting.

While the driver was trying to sort things out, a few area boys (street urchins) appeared.

We stayed in the car as he engaged them.

Words were exchanged.

Then more words.

The kind that don't usually make situations better.

They wanted money.

The driver wasn't interested in negotiating.

Nobody was backing down.

And you could feel the atmosphere changing.

The tone changed.

Demeanor changed

You know those moments when a situation starts moving in a direction you don't like?

That was one of them.

Then my wife said something simple.

"We have a lot at stake."

Not,

"We are right."

Not,

"They are wrong."

Not,

"How could they?"

Not,

"Stand your ground."

"We have a lot at stake."

And that changed my perception of the whole situation.

Because sometimes the question isn't:

"Who is right?"

The better question is:

"What do we stand to lose?"

A delayed trip.

A ruined day.

An unnecessary confrontation.

Potential danger.

Getting robbed.

Stress.

Peace.

The cost of escalation was far greater than the value of winning.

So we did the needful.

They thanked us.

They left.

We continued our journey.

And I haven't stopped thinking about that moment.

Because marriage presents versions of this situation all the time.

An argument starts.

A misunderstanding appears.

Feelings get hurt.

Voices rise.

Positions harden.

And suddenly the objective shifts from solving the problem...

to winning.

But mature marriages understand something important.

Not every battle deserves your full participation.

Sometimes you can be right and still lose.

You win the argument.

But lose connection.

Lose peace.

Lose trust.

Lose tenderness.

Proverbs 17:14 reminds us,

"Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out."

Notice what Solomon is saying.

The danger isn't the first drop of water.

The danger is what happens after the wall breaks.

Some conflicts become expensive very quickly.

That's why wisdom often asks a different question than pride.

Pride asks:

"Why should I let this go?"

Wisdom asks:

"What is this costing us?"

A lot of marriages would look different if couples regularly remembered:

"We have too much at stake."

Too much history.

Too much love.

Too many prayers.

Too many memories.

Too much investment.

To let ego drive the car.

Now, this doesn't mean avoiding important conversations.

It doesn't mean tolerating sin.

It doesn't mean pretending problems don't exist.

It means understanding that not every hill is worth dying on.

Some situations need correction.

Others need perspective.

And sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is shut down the chaos before it becomes something bigger.

Because when you truly understand what is at stake...

protecting the relationship becomes more important than protecting your pride.

The coolant wasn't the biggest problem that day.

It was the confrontation with area boys and the direction it was headed

And that's true in marriage too.

Most couples don't get damaged by the original issue.

They get damaged by the heat that follows.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.