Don’t Weaponize Incompetence

Everyone has something they are terrible at.

Everyone.

Someone struggles with money.

Someone struggles with time.

Someone struggles with communication.

Someone struggles with planning.

Someone struggles with emotional expression.

Someone struggles with practical tasks that seem obvious to others.

Marriage reveals this quickly.

Because dating hides incompetence.

Marriage exposes it.

You see the gaps.

You see the blind spots.

You see the things they should “know by now.”

And that is where many marriages quietly fracture.

Not because of incompetence…

but because of how incompetence is handled.

Some people turn their spouse’s weakness into evidence.

Evidence that they don’t care.

Evidence that they are immature.

Evidence that they are incapable.

Evidence that they made a mistake marrying them.

Incompetence becomes accusation.

Mistakes become identity.

And slowly, the marriage becomes a courtroom.

But The Bible paints a different picture. 1 Corinthians 13 tells us:

Love is patient.

Love keeps no record of wrongs.

Love believes the best.

Love bears with weakness.

Not celebrates incompetence.

But refuses to weaponize it.

Because weaponizing incompetence creates fear.

Fear kills effort.

Fear kills learning.

Fear kills vulnerability.

Nobody grows where they are constantly shamed.

Think about how Jesus handled people.

Peter was impulsive.

Thomas doubted.

The disciples misunderstood repeatedly.

He corrected.

He taught.

He held standards.

But He did not humiliate.

Correction without contempt produces growth.

Correction with contempt produces withdrawal.

Many spouses are not unwilling.

They are inexperienced.

Many are not careless.

They are overwhelmed.

Many are not resistant.

They are afraid of failing again.

And when every mistake becomes a reminder of past mistakes, people stop trying.

Competence is built.

Confidence is nurtured.

Capacity is learned.

Marriage is one of the classrooms God uses.

Ecclesiastes 4:9 says two are better than one…because one can lift the other.

Not mock the other.

Not label the other.

Lift.

Your spouse’s weakness is not your opportunity to feel superior.

It is your opportunity to steward growth.

And this goes both ways.

Because the area you are strong today may be the area you struggle tomorrow.

Grace is an investment.

You will withdraw from it eventually.

So ask yourself:

• Do I correct to help…or to prove a point?
• Do I create safety for growth…or pressure for performance?
• Does my spouse feel coached…or constantly evaluated?

Marriage is not about marrying someone fully formed.

It is about becoming formed together.

Don’t weaponize incompetence.

Participate in growth.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.