A lot of women can clearly describe the kind of man they want.
They know how they want to be spoken to.
How they want to be pursued, protected, prioritized, reassured, even how they want to be listened to.
And honestly… that’s amazing.
You should know your worth and you should desire healthy love.
You should refuse any and every form dysfunction even if it comes in the package of romance.
But somewhere in many of such conversations about relationships, this other question quietly disappears:
“What kind of experience is it to love me?”
Not just:
“Can he lead?”
“Can he provide?”
“Can he communicate?”
But: Can I create peace?
Can I handle correction?
Can I apologize without turning into a victim?
Can I be gentle with his weaknesses the same way I want gentleness with mine?
Because sometimes we become experts in what we deserve…
while somehow remaining underdeveloped in what we contribute.
And relationships feel that imbalance very quickly.
You see it when one person constantly measures effort but rarely reflects on their own.
When one person wants patience but gives pressure.
Wants understanding but gives criticism.
Wants softness but communicates with sharp edges.
Nobody says it out loud at first.
But eventually, one person starts feeling emotionally hired instead of loved.
Like they are just there to PERPETUALLY pour, fix, carry, initiate, and reassure.
…while receiving very little back that actually nourishes them.
So there are no misunderstandings this:
I am not asking women shrinking themselves to keep a man.
This is not one of those “submit and suffer” conversations.
I m simply talking about mutuality.
The kind Scripture points to when it says in Ephesians5:21:
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
Honor, care, and consideration that's mutual.
Love was never designed to flow in one direction.
A godly man does not only ask: “How can she serve me?”
He asks: “How can I love her well?”
And the same should go for the woman...
She should also ask: “How can I love him well?”
Not manipulate him well.
Not control him well.
Not merely benefit from him well.
Love him well.
Because men are human too, even though society sometimes trains them to act otherwise.
Some are starving for respect but only receive demands.
Starving for peace but always entering emotional combat.
Starving for encouragement while carrying responsibilities silently.
And many will never say it directly.
They’ll just slowly become quieter versions of themselves.
In many women gatherings, conversations naturally drift toward “what men need to do better.”
And yes, many men absolutely need to do better.
But wisdom matures when the mirror turns both ways.
Not just: “This is how he should treat me”
But also: “This is how I'm supposed to treat him.”
That balance changes things.
1 Corinthians 13 says love is patient, kind, not self-seeking.
That scripture doesn’t become less true when emotions get involved.
Or dating gets frustrating.
Or modern culture teaches us to approach relationships mostly from the angle of personal satisfaction.
Real love still requires giving.
Healthy giving.
Wise giving.
Reciprocal giving.
Not transactional.
Not performative.
Not exhausting.
But intentional.
Because eventually, beauty alone cannot carry a relationship.
Charm cannot carry it.
Chemistry cannot carry it.
Character does.
Likewise the ability to listen.
To consider.
To nurture.
To respect.
To self-reflect.
To love in a way that does not make the other person emotionally lonely beside you.
That matters.
A lot.
👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.
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