Not because they don’t matter…
but because you’ve let them go.
You don’t argue over what you’ve truly surrendered.
You don’t fight for what you’ve already released.
You don’t lose sleep over what you’ve made peace with.
But the things you are still holding onto?
That’s where the emotion lives.
That’s where the reaction comes from.
That’s where the tension shows up.
Because anger is often not just about what happened…
it’s about what you feel is being threatened.
- Respect.
- Control.
- Validation.
- Being heard.
- Being right.
Sometimes, in marriage, we think we’re reacting to our spouse.
But if we’re honest…
we’re reacting to what we’re trying to protect.
And that changes the conversation.
Because now it’s not just,
“Why did you do that?”
It becomes,
“Why did that hit me the way it did?”
James 4:1 asks a hard question:
“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?”
Not just what they did.
What’s happening within you.
There are things we say we’ve surrendered to God…
but we still defend like they belong to us.
Our expectations.
Our timelines.
Our need to be understood without explaining.
Our need to be pursued in a specific way.
Our definition of how love should look.
So when those things are touched, ignored, or challenged…
we react.
Not because our spouse is always wrong…
but because something we’re guarding just got exposed.
This is not about becoming passive or pretending nothing matters.
It’s about awareness.
Because when you understand what you’re protecting,
you can finally decide:
Is this something I need to hold onto…
or something I need to surrender?
Marriage has a way of revealing that.
Not to frustrate you…
but to show you where the work still is.
And sometimes, the growth isn’t in winning the argument…
it’s in releasing what you didn’t realize you were still holding.
👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.
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