To Have… and To Hold

I watched a comedy set by Marcus D. Wiley that did more than make me laugh... it blew my mind.

He told a story about his grandmother.

Her washer had stopped working... so he did what should be considered the logical thing.

He went to the store to buy her a new one.

While he was there, he called her.

“What color is your washer again?”

“Brown.”

He paused.

“Grandma… they don’t make brown washers.”

“How long have you had it?”

“Since ’78.”

Now he’s confused.

And then Grandma asks the question that changes everything.

“Why are you at the store?”

“I’m buying you a new one.”

And she says,

“No... it just needs to be fixed.”

That “brown” wasn’t design.

It was time.

The residue of wear, use, and life.

He said that was the moment he understood that line in the marital vow:

“To have... and to hold.”

Because everyone wants to have.

Very few people are willing to hold.

We love the new(er) version.

The clean version.

The version that works without effort.

But the moment something shows signs of wear...

we start thinking replacement.

We do it with our phones.

iPhone 18 shows up...

and suddenly iPhone 17 feels like a problem.

And somehow, some folks bring that same mindset into marriage.

We want the best version of our spouse.

The easy version.

The responsive version.

The version that comes with zero friction.

But life doesn’t only offer one version.

There are seasons of strength.

And seasons of wear.

There are moments when everything feels right...

and moments where things feel off.

Moments when all we experience is tiredness, distance, burnout.

And in those moments...

the real question shows up.

Are you here to have...

or are you here to hold?

Because “to have” celebrates what works.

But “to hold”...

stays when it doesn’t.

"To hold" leans in instead of checking out.

"To hold" works through instead of walking away.

"To hold" chooses repair... when replacement feels easier.

"To hold" is not done blindly.

It is done intentionally.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 tells us,

“There is a season...”

And you don’t get to only have the good seasons.

It will be everything.

If you truly have it...

you will also have to hold it through the rest.

I'm not saying everything should be endured.

What I'm saying is: not everything should be discarded.

Because some things are not meant to be replaced.

They are meant to be repaired.

Ephesians 4:2-3 reminds us,

“Be patient, bearing with one another in love... make every effort to keep the unity.”

Make every effort.

Because unity isn't happenstance.

It’s held.

As we ask ourselves:

“What do I have?”

Let's also ask,

“Am I willing to hold it... when it’s not at its best?”

Because anyone can celebrate the good version.

But marriage is revealed...

in what you do with the version that needs work.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.