Not Until You Are Out Of Options

As married folks, we need to do better…especially husbands.

The Bible warns in Proverbs 6:26-28

For by means of a harlot

A man is reduced to a crust of bread;

And an adulteress will prey upon his precious life.

Can a man take fire to his bosom,

And his clothes not be burned?

Can one walk on hot coals,

And his feet not be seared?

That's not a rhetorical question.

It’s diagnostic.

Because some men really believe they can.

They think: “I can manage it.”

“I won’t go too far.”

“I’ll still come back home when I’m ready.”

"I know when to stop."

But Scripture is saying:

You’re not managing fire.

You’re carrying it.

And fire doesn’t negotiate.

Heard the story of a man who was mean, unkind, and treated his wife like trash for many years.

He was absent when he was needed

He was generous with EVERYTHING...outside, but stingy at home

He invested his attention and energy where there was no covenant

Now he’s sick...very sick.

Now he’s back.

He only remembered home…when he ran out of options.

There’s a saying in my native language (Yoruba):

“Bí ajá bá f’orí kó’mí, yíó mọ ọ̀nà  ilé olówó ẹ̀.”

It is after a dog has gotten its face smeared by dung, that it finds its way home.

So let's think about the husband in the story I shared:

Did he reach an epiphany?

Is that return repentance…

or just discomfort?

Because those are not the same thing.

We can come from the angle of marital vows... “in sickness and in health.”

But let’s be honest for a second:

Where was the “in health” part of the marriage all long?

Where was the version of the husband that:

showed up

stayed present

honored his wife when life was still good.

I understand being sentimental, but let's also be rational and truthful.

It is true that forgiveness is biblical.

Restoration is possible.

But accountability is not optional.

You don’t get to:

disappear in strength

then DEMAND covering in weakness.

That’s not covenant.

That’s convenience.

And this is where many marriages quietly bleed.

Not because of one mistake…

but because of a pattern of selective presence.

“I’ll be there when I need you…

not when you need me.”

Let’s take it a little deeper.

The real loss isn’t just money spent outside.

Or time wasted.

It’s this:

The version of your spouse that you never built.

The laughter you never had.

The safety your spouse never felt.

The memories that never formed.

So now… when hardship comes…

you’re asking them to carry weight

in a relationship that was never strengthened.

That’s not just unfair.

It’s fragile.

Marriage is not tested only in storms.

It is built in sunshine.

Because if you only show up when things are bad,

you’re not a partner.

You’re a liability that returns when convenient.

So here’s the uncomfortable reflection:

If nothing went wrong…

would such a person still be faithful?

Not just physically.

But emotionally.

Mentally.

Intentionally.

Because that’s the real question the book of Proverbs is asking.

Not: “Will you get caught?”

But: “Do you understand what this will cost you?”

And for the spouse on the receiving end…

I am not going to pretend this is easy.

You’re being asked to:

forgive pain you didn’t cause

carry weight you didn’t create

rebuild something you didn’t break

That takes more than love.

That takes grace.

That takes the help of the Spirit of God

That takes boundaries...and truth.

Marriage is a covenant.

Not: “I’ll show up when life humbles me.”

But: “I will stay, even when I have options.”

Because the real tragedy is not that he came back sick.

It’s that:

He never came home when he was strong.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.