When Love "Ruins" You (In the Best Way Possible)

Dallas gave us good food that day. But it also gave us a story I haven’t been able to shake.

My wife and I met an elderly man at a soul-food spot in Everman...the kind of place where the cornbread feels like somebody’s grandmother prayed over it. He was cracking jokes about buying and picking up his own food, and someone nearby asked him the usual small-talk question:

“Are you married?”

He smiled...one of those smiles that holds both joy and ache.

“I was…for 47 years. The best years of my life.”

We all froze for a moment. Not out of awkwardness, but reverence. You could feel the weight of that number. Forty-seven years. Not a prison sentence. Not an obligation. A gift.

He said his wife had passed. And then someone else asked if he’d ever try love again.

He shook his head gently.

“I tried. But I just couldn’t. My wife was so good to me…nobody else could fill those shoes. So I decided to just live alone.”

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that sentence:

“She was so good to me…nobody else could fill those shoes.”

What a testimony.

I know it wasn't about perfection, or performance. But of love lived well.

Some people leave behind cars, houses, money…

Others leave behind a memory so rich, so kind, so full, that your heart refuses to accept a substitute.

And that made me think about marriage again...this beautiful, sacred assignment God gives, wrapped in ordinary life.

Love your spouse so well that if, God forbid, you were no longer in the picture, the bar of love you set becomes almost impossible to duplicate.

Not out of comparison. Not out of idolatry. But because you gave what Scripture commands:

Patient love

Kind love

Sacrificial love

Serving love

Honoring love

Protecting love

Forgiving love

The kind of love that reflects Jesus...not necessarily perfect, but SINCERE.

The kind of love that leaves a fragrance long after the person is gone.

The kind of love that makes someone say, “I had something rare…and I know I had it.”

Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”

But it’s not one-sided...wives are called to honor, support, uplift, and care deeply too.

When both people live this out, marriage becomes more than companionship...it becomes legacy.

A love that teaches. 

A love that shapes. 

A love that lasts. 

A love that 'ruins' you for counterfeit.

So here’s the question all of us married folks should quietly ask ourselves:

If I were gone today, would the way I loved my spouse make them grateful, healed, strengthened, and better?

Or would it leave them wounded, relieved, or broken?

May we love intentionally now...not later, not eventually...NOW.

Because one day, someone might talk about us from across a table at a soul-food restaurant, and their words will either bring warmth or pain.

Choose to love in a way that leaves a legacy worth remembering.

A love that ruins them…

…but only for anything less than what God intended.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.