I watched a Nollywood movie, 'Alákŏso', not long ago...
it was about an old woman who spent her entire life surviving instead of living.
She had three daughters, each from different men.
Three stories birthed from brokenness.
Three women raised under a roof where survival was normal and pain was familiar.
The first daughter married, but later left her husband.
Not because she didn’t love him, but because she had learned that when pain feels familiar, peace feels suspicious.
Trauma teaches you to flinch where others feel safe.
It builds reflexes that look like self-protection but function like self-sabotage.
The mother panicked.
Something in her told her she had to FIX the story.
Redeem the narrative.
Break the cycle.
So she begged her other two daughters to stay in their marriages at any cost...not out of wisdom, but out of fear.
Because her trauma wasn’t healed…it was inherited.
One daughter stayed with a husband who belittled her strength because his ego couldn’t breathe in the presence of her success.
It wasn’t love...it was machismo,
It was control disguised as masculinity.
The other stayed with a man who believed a woman needed bruises to learn obedience.
It was bondage defended by culture.
Still, the mother pleaded,
"Endure. Stay. Break the curse for me."
But curses aren’t broken by endurance...
they’re broken by truth, healing, and light.
Not all suffering is sanctification.
Not all endurance is obedience.
Not all battles are yours to stay in.
Sometimes God calls you to remain.
Sometimes God calls you to rebuild.
Sometimes God calls you to run.
The movie ended tragically and painfully...as trauma-led stories often do.
But it left me thinking:
How many people are living on puppet strings pulled by old wounds?
How many spouses are bleeding from battles that didn’t start in their marriage?
How many families are shaped more by pain than by love?
How many abusers are still children inside...repeating what shaped them?
Trauma doesn’t excuse sin...but understanding its roots helps us break its power.
Jesus came not just to forgive...but to heal.
He restores the brokenhearted.
He sets captives free.
He releases prisoners from patterns they thought were normal.
"...He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound" (Isaiah 61:1)
Sometimes the victim is the one with bruises.
Sometimes the victim is the one throwing the punches.
Both need mercy.
Both need truth.
Both need transformation.
Trauma is a puppet master...until we cut the strings.
So here’s the invitation:
If your reactions look like defense instead of love...check for strings.
If your spouse feels like the enemy...check the origin of the wound.
If the past keeps raising its voice...silence it with Scripture, therapy, community, and truth.
Jesus does not just save souls.
He restores stories.
There is freedom beyond your history.
There is identity beyond your scars.
There is marriage beyond survival.
But healing begins when we stop dancing for our trauma
and start walking toward our Healer.
👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.
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