It's my 19th wedding anniversary today....and I was thinking of what to post. Then I remembered someone had asked a follow-up question on the “Terms & Conditions” of marriage post…they wanted me to expatiate on finding and being a wife.
And the first person that came to mind was Ruth.
We love the end of her story...the romance, the redemption, the Boaz, how she became part of the story of Jesus.
But we often forget that Ruth was a wife before she ever had a husband.
She carried the heart long before she carried the title.
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Ruth was a wife…without an office.
Long before Boaz entered the picture, Ruth had already chosen:
character over convenience
loyalty over self-preservation
service over self-interest
conviction over comfort
Nothing about her life screamed “eligible.”
She was a widow.
Broke.
A foreigner.
Following another widow to a land where she had no promise, no connections, no security.
Yet she still showed up with:
a nurturer’s heart
a giver’s posture
a lover’s devotion
a servant’s humility
and a kingdom-minded obedience
She wasn’t trying to impress Boaz.
Boaz wasn’t even in the picture.
He wasn’t on her radar.
He wasn’t the motivation.
Ruth was simply living out who she already was.
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Boaz found her in the calling…before giving her the title.
When Boaz spoke to Ruth, he didn’t compliment her beauty or her charm.
He didn’t applaud her perfume or her “wife material vibe.”
According to Ruth 2:11, he said: “I have been told all about what you have done…”
In other words:
“I see the life you lived when no one was watching you.”
Remember, Boaz didn’t discover Ruth at her finest...
He discovered her at her faithful.
In the field.
In the dirt.
In the grind.
Picking leftovers.
Honoring Naomi.
Choosing character when all she had were reasons to quit.
He found her already aligned, already carrying the essence of a wife:
responsibility
resilience
reliability
restfulness in God
Not because she wanted the title...
but because she lived the heart.
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The calling of 'wifing' is the preparation.
The title is merely the recognition.
Ruth teaches us something culture ignores:
You don’t become a wife at the wedding.
You become a wife in the 'field'.
Before the proposal/ring.
Before the ceremony.
Before the man.
Being a wife is:
identity before assignment
character before connection
calling before covenant
And for the men looking…
Finding a wife is not locating a single woman...
it is discerning a woman who already carries the heart of one.
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What made Ruth a wife before she was found?
Her loyalty in a season of loss
Her servant heart without applause
Her submission to God’s process, even in pain
Her kindness, which Boaz noticed immediately
Her work ethic...she didn’t wait to be rescued
Her honor, first to Naomi and ultimately to God
This is why Proverbs 18:22 says: “He who finds a wife…”
Not: He who finds a girl to make his wife.
A wife is a state of heart before it becomes a state of life.
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And what about being found?
Boaz found Ruth because:
1. She was positioned in purpose, not desperation.
2. She was working, not wishing.
3. She was faithful in obscurity.
4. She wasn’t performing.
5. She wasn’t chasing a man...she was honoring God.
The field was not a punishment.
It was a divine setup.
A divine stage for a heart that heaven had already approved.
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So to every young woman…
Don’t chase a title.
Don’t contort yourself to impress a man
Don’t burn energy trying to “appear” wife material.
Carry the heart of a Ruth.
Live the calling of a Ruth.
Honor like Ruth.
Serve like Ruth.
Love like Ruth.
The title will find you.
The man will see you.
God will endorse you.
Because heaven always recognizes what earth tries to overlook.
👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.
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