Before You Say “I Do”...Ask “Is This Wise?”

I was reading Uncle Leke Alder’s RANDOM 444, and one line echoed so loudly it followed me through the day:

“Marriage is just two people. Not you, your spouse, and your pastor. Three is a crusade.”

I started to think: how many people walk into marriage with an audience in mind instead of a life in mind.

We marry to prove a point.

We marry to fulfill expectations.

We marry because the dress is bought, the hall is paid for, the photographer is booked, and the aunties have already arrived from out of state.

But applause won’t comfort you in a cold marriage.

Tradition won’t heal a bruised heart.

And society won’t live with the consequences of your “yes.”

Two people. That’s it.

After the music stops, after the décor is packed away, after the last guest posts their “Congrats!” on Instagram…it’s just two hearts, two histories, two habits, two wounds, two visions trying to become one life.

So choose person over pressure.

Choose wisdom over spectacle.

Choose peace over perception.

Because the truth is brutal but real:

There are people who knew they were walking into a bad marriage...even as they said their vows.

They felt the fear in their chest.

They saw the disrespect.

They sensed the control.

They noticed the absence of peace.

They knew their spirit was screaming “No,” even as their mouth whispered “I do.”

But society is a loud bully.

Culture is a persistent voice.

Family can be a tidal wave.

So they silenced themselves…and paid for it with years.

If you ever find yourself on the brink of a black hole... PLEASE WALK AWAY.

Walk away from the engagement if you see danger coming.

Walk away at the altar if wisdom arrives late but clear.

Walk away even if people talk...they’ll move on. Your future won’t.

It is better to disappoint a room for one day than to live disappointed in yourself for a lifetime.

And let’s be honest:

Money doesn’t soften abuse.

Aesthetics don’t fix character.

Luxury doesn’t cure manipulation.

If a person is harmful, the house they put you in won’t protect you from them.

Scripturally?

God cares about the marriage covenant...but God does not endorse foolishness.

He calls us to peace (1 Corinthians 7:15).

He calls us to wisdom (Proverbs 4:7).

He calls us to discernment, not blind cultural compliance.

Marriage is sacred...but entering it recklessly is not holy.

A covenant built on fear is not a covenant built on truth.

Before you say “I do,” check if your soul is whispering,

“But should I?”

And if the answer is no?

Don’t say “I do.”

Say “I can’t.”

And let God rewrite the story before the damage becomes permanent.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better.

Marriage is too important to enter as a performance. Choose wisely.