The last time I got in a physical brawl, it was to defend my mum.
A cab driver had verbally abused her, and I didn’t even care to know what happened...I just swung.
Logic didn’t live there.
Love did.
And that’s what happens when it’s our own.
Have you ever been contacted by a friend to vote for their niece, nephew, cousin, or child in a competition?
You click the link, take one look at the entries, and, if we’re being honest...the person you’re asked to vote for is not always the best.
But it’s not the time or place to be objective.
You vote, because it’s their person.
The Yorubas say, “Ọmọ ẹni ò ṣ’èdí bẹ̀bẹ̀rẹ̀, ká fi ilẹ̀kẹ̀ sí ìdí ọmọ ẹlòmíràn,”
meaning, “There is no contemplating one's child’s skinny waist just to tie the beads around another’s.”
In other words, when it comes to family, objectivity is usually the first casualty.
So, what am I saying?
In marriage, one of the worst things you can do during a conflict is to involve family members.
Not because they don’t love you...but because they love you too much.
Objectivity goes out the window the moment blood gets involved.
Their goal isn’t to HELP you both heal; it’s to PROTECT their own.
And when protection replaces perspective, peace becomes harder to find.
A neutral person; an unbiased pastor, counselor, or trusted mentor, is usually a better route when a third eye is needed.
Someone whose loyalty is to truth, not to either side.
So if your siblings or parents are the ONLY ones saying your spouse is terrible and you’re the saint…
you might want to pause before you believe it.
It may not be truth...it may just be family doing what family does best: defending their own.
The Bible says in Proverbs 18:17 (NLT) “The first to speak in court sounds right...until the cross-examination begins.”
In marriage, the goal is not to win a case; it’s to win each other back.
👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.
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