WHEN CONNECTION GETS CROWDED OUT

I’ve had some amazing conversations since the post “When Old Wounds Show Up at the Table.” 

And one thing keeps coming up: the importance of conversations in marriage.

No, not the functional kind...the ones about school fees, doctor's appointments, who outgrew their sneakers, or which weekend we’re visiting Uncle Ade in Philly.

Those are logistics, not intimacy.

I’m talking about conversations that feed the relationship...that nurture the “us” in the midst of the daily hustle. 

The kind where nothing is on the agenda but connection. 

Where there’s space to open up, laugh, be silly, be serious, be quiet. 

Just be together.

Truth is: the wounds you never address, the trauma you never revisit, the weight you pretend you’re not carrying...none of that disappears. But those things can start to heal in the safe space of consistent, intentional, unhurried connection.

And the keyword there? INTENTIONAL.

These kinds of moments don’t just happen. 

Not with demanding jobs, soccer practice, laundry piles, ministry commitments, and a to-do list that never goes on vacation.

You have to carve it out. 

Not for the kids. 

Not for work. 

Not even for church. 

For each other.

Even on days when you’ve got nothing pressing to say. 

Sit. 

Chill. 

Watch a movie. 

Take a walk. 

Share popcorn and silence. 

Let your guard down together. 

Let your spouse see the version of you that isn’t performing.

There’s something profoundly biblical about this too.

Ecclesiastes 9:9 (NLT) says, “Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun…”

Did you catch that? Live happily. 

Not just function well. 

God designed companionship for joy, not just efficiency.

And joy doesn’t thrive in rush. It needs room. 

It needs rhythm. 

It needs recurring reminders that “we matter.”

If you’re too busy to talk, you’re too busy to grow.

If you’re always on the move, but never truly present, your marriage will eventually feel like a partnership of co-managers...not lovers.

Let's take this challenge: 

Block out time this week/weekend...real, phone-on-silent, eye-contact time, and just be about you two.

Before the wounds start talking louder than your words.

(Remember, it's all about consistency, not intensity)

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍 Marriage Works.