Sharpening with a Pocketknife

The pencil got sharpened…but not in the best way.

I watched a man take out a small pocketknife and begin shaving away at a pencil. 

Bit by bit, slowly and carefully, he whittled it down. 

Eventually, the pencil was sharp enough to write...but it took longer, left a mess, and wasted more wood than necessary.

That moment stuck with me.

Because in marriage, we do this a lot.

We figure out ways to get things done in our homes…but sometimes we settle for “it works” even though it’s not working well.

We’ve learned to talk, but not to listen. We’ve figured out how to keep the peace, but not how to make peace. We’ve built systems around avoidance, not connection. We’ve learned to “live together,” but not to grow together.

Yes...the marriage is still “writing,” but is it sharpened?

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Effectiveness is doing the thing.

Efficiency is doing it in the best way.

And often in marriage, we cling to survival tactics that were never meant to be long-term tools:

• Silent treatment instead of honest dialogue.

• Doing everything yourself instead of asking for help.

• Making snide jokes instead of addressing the hurt.

• Using prayer to talk about your spouse to God instead of praying for your spouse to God.

It’s like sharpening with a pocketknife when the sharpener is right there.

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The truth is: old tools work…but they waste time, energy, intimacy, and trust.

Maybe it’s time to ask:

• Is how we resolve conflict actually healthy - or just familiar?

• Do we communicate in ways that build us up - or just keep things from blowing up?

• Are we pouring into each other - or just pouring out complaints?

Sometimes, a marriage doesn’t need a rescue....it just needs a new rhythm.

The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 10:10  “If the axe is dull and its edge unsharpened, more strength is needed, but skill will bring success.” 

Friend, you don’t need to keep hacking away in frustration.

🪓 Sharpen the axe. 

🗣 Rethink the conversation. 

🤝 Reframe the approach. 

💡 Relearn the tools. 

🙏🏾 Refuel the heart.

It’s not about changing your spouse...it’s about asking God to help you sharpen how you love them.

Because love is not just “getting the job done.” It’s doing it with care, grace, wisdom, and skill.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍 Marriage Works.