The story has gone viral.
Mr. Ukandu, an ordained Elder in his church, trained all his children through the university. His first daughter now lives in the U.S. His first son is in Canada. His second son is in Japan. His last child is schooling in Ghana. His wife went to the U.S. for omugwo...the beautiful cultural tradition of caring for a daughter who just had a baby.
But she has refused to come back. She is now earning money in the U.S. babysitting.
And so, Mr. Ukandu spends his retirement days alone, eating by himself, and keeping to himself. He cannot remarry...his children don’t want to hear of it, he cannot afford it, and as an Elder in the church, it’s not an option.
The question was asked: “Any regrets?”
Before we rush to judge, let’s sit with the mirror this story holds up to men, marriages, and families.
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More Than School Fees
I know a younger couple; wifey's mum came for omugwo. After four weeks, she told her daughter she had to go home.
Why? Because she missed her husband and couldn’t be comfortable knowing he had nobody to care for him...even though there was house help in the house to take care of him.
That’s emotional investment.
Many men pour everything into the children, the house, and the family...but very little into the marriage or the relationship with their wife. They end up co-parenting until the children no longer need parents.
The school fees you paid or financial responsibilities won’t make up for the emptiness your wife carried alone.
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Boss or Leader?
Some men believe that because they “write the cheques,” they automatically earn respect. But men are called to be leaders, not bosses.
There’s an age every man reaches where what you can get will never compare with what you can lose. At that point, it’s not about sex anymore. It’s about companionship.
I saw this up close recently. I lost someone very close to me, she was like my mum. She was over 80...her husband cried like a baby. One could tell that he had lost a friend, and a companion. His tears made many of us weep too. That is what companionship looks like. That is what investment looks like.
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The Children Are Watching
We must not forget: children see everything. They take sides. Especially when Dad is hardly home and brings drama when he is.
Don’t just train your children in school...raise them too. Be present for the events and moments that matter to them, not just the bills. Share the disciplinarian role so that your wife isn’t always the shield and you the sword.
Don’t be feared more than you are loved.
Because one day, those children will grow up and scatter across the globe...like Mr. Ukandu’s. And if all you invested in was their tuition, you may find yourself alone with your certificates of sacrifice, but without the companionship of the woman you vowed to love.
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Mr. Ukandu’s story is a sober warning. It is not enough to invest financially while neglecting emotional intimacy and relational presence.
Men, your marriage is not a side project. Your wife is not an afterthought. Companionship, love, and shared life matter deeply in the long run.
Ecclesiastes 9:9 says, “Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun.”
So, Oga...before you become the next headline or viral story, check your investments. Because in the end, what you lose may be greater than what you ever gave.
👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍 Marriage Works.
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