I watched part 3 of the Nollywood movie Alákŏso by Wunmi Toriola
The first part opened my eyes to trauma as a puppet master.
This part opened my eyes to gaslighting.
The wife caught her husband with a side chick.
After he had 'borrowed' her car for a quick business meeting.
Naturally, she was angry.
Yelling.
Hurt.
But instead of addressing betrayal, the husband flipped it.
He said something like:
“Now the whole world knows I don’t have a car.”
“Now the whole world knows I’ve been driving my wife’s car.”
“Now everyone knows I can’t afford one.”
"Thank you for embarassing me."
And just like that, the conversation shifted gears.
The wife... who was wronged,
found herself apologizing.
They were now discussing embarrassment.
Ego.
Public image.
The side chick disappeared from the conversation.
And THAT, ladies and gentleman, is gaslighting.
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What Gaslighting Really Is
Gaslighting is not just lying.
It is manipulation that makes the victim question:
- What they saw
- What they heard
- What they felt
- What actually happened
It hijacks reality.
It shifts blame.
It redirects the focus.
It forces the injured person to defend themselves instead of addressing the offense.
It is wicked because it confuses truth.
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How It Works
You confront cheating.
They bring up your tone.
You confront disrespect.
They bring up how you embarrassed them.
You confront lies.
They accuse you of being insecure.
And suddenly, the original issue becomes secondary.
You start saying:
“That’s not what I meant…”
“I didn’t say it like that…”
“I’m not trying to attack you…”
Meanwhile, the actual wrongdoing remains untouched.
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Why It’s Dangerous
Gaslighting slowly erodes confidence.
You start doubting your instincts.
You second-guess your memory.
You shrink your reactions.
And over time, you become easier to control.
Proverbs 12:17 says,
“An honest witness tells the truth, but a false witness tells lies.”
Gaslighting is not just emotional immaturity.
It is bearing false witness against your spouse’s reality.
And that is serious.
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For The One Being Gaslit
Pause.
Return to the original issue.
Don’t get dragged into defending your reaction while ignoring the offense.
Say:
“That may be a separate issue, but right now we are addressing this.”
Stay anchored.
Truth does not need theatrics.
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For The One Doing It
If you manipulate conversations to avoid accountability…
Please stop.
Marriage is not a courtroom.
It is a covenant.
Deflection may win the argument.
But it destroys trust.
Ephesians 4:25 says,
“Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor.”
Your spouse is not your enemy.
Gaslighting turns them into one.
Final Thought
If you have to twist reality to protect your ego,
your ego is the problem.
If you cannot take responsibility without redirecting blame,
you are not leading... you are controlling.
Gaslighting is wicked.
Stop it.
👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.
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