30 Degrees

As I was re-reading one of my previous posts, my mind went to how:

In Minnesota, 30 degrees can feel like "Yay!" or "What the heck!"

In January, when it has been -20° all week, 30° feels like heaven. 

Jackets come off. Windows crack open. People smile again.

But in October? When we were enjoying 70° just yesterday?

30° feels offensive. Unacceptable. Like something has gone terribly wrong.

Same temperature.

Different context.

Different interpretation.

And that got me thinking about marriage.

How one action in one marriage can feel like growth.

But the same action in another can feel like decline.

A husband working late might be provision in one home.

In another, it feels like emotional abandonment.

A wife wanting space might be healthy boundaries in one marriage.

In another, it feels like withdrawal.

Thirty degrees.

The number doesn’t tell the whole story.

Context does.

We are often quick to label.

“This is bad.”

“This is unhealthy.”

“This is wrong.”

But according to whose baseline?

What season are you in?

Is this an increase from where you were?

Or a decline from where you should be?

Ecclesiastes 3 reminds us that there is a time and season for everything.

Not every change is regression.

Not every discomfort is dysfunction.

Sometimes what feels cold is actually growth.

Sometimes what feels warm is actually complacency.

The danger is comparing climates.

You cannot judge your marriage by another couple’s temperature.

What is a breakthrough for them might be a bare minimum for you.

What is a crisis for you might be normal terrain for them.

Comparison distorts perception.

2 Corinthians 10:12 warns against measuring ourselves by others.

It is unwise.

NLT version puts it this way "...But they are only comparing themselves with each other, using themselves as the standard of measurement. How ignorant!"

Every marriage has its own ecosystem.

Its own history.

Its own emotional weather patterns.

The deeper question is this:

What is your standard?

Because if you don’t anchor your marriage to something stable, everything becomes relative.

Matthew 7:24-27 talks about building on the rock.

Storms will come. Winds will blow.

But the foundation determines the outcome.

If the Word is not your rock, then temperature becomes your truth.

Feelings become your compass.

Proclivities become your law.

Outbursts become justified.

“Love is not easily provoked.”

That is not temperature-based.

That is rock-based.

Some marriages are surviving on “natural tendencies.”

He is naturally quiet.

She is naturally expressive.

He withdraws.

She escalates.

Without a shared standard, those tendencies become extremes.

What brings you back to center?

What evens you out when emotions spike?

What tells both of you, “This may feel right, but it is not righteous”?

If 30 degrees is a 50-degree increase for your marriage, celebrate it.

If 30 degrees is a 40-degree drop, address it.

But don’t confuse temperature with destiny.

Not every dip is doom.

Not every warmth is health.

Discern your season.

Know your baseline.

Anchor to the Rock.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.