I Want to Come Home to You

I saw a Steve Harvey episode recently that made me pause. A woman that had just been proposed, confessed she wasn’t sure she wanted to see her husband every day.

In fact, she was hoping they could have two households.
Married…but separate.

The audience laughed nervously.
A couple that had been married for 40 years shook their heads in disbelief...stating they would never do that. 

The only person who supported the idea? An unmarried woman who said, “I get it. Space matters.”

And then I visited the comment section and saw this:

“…I don’t want to live in the same house as my wife. I like my space. I don’t want to see you every day. Some days I want to come home to an empty house.”

And I tried to process that for a little bit.
Because as much as we may chuckle, this is a real mindset a lot of people are carrying...sometimes even into marriage.

......

I get it:

We all need breathing room.
Even in the best marriages, space matters.
We’re individuals, not clones.

But if the foundation of the relationship is “I don’t want to see you every day,”
If I’m dreading the sound of your voice before I’ve even said, “I do,”
If my idea of peace is your absence
Then I have to ask:
Why are we doing this?

Why would I vow to build forever with someone I don’t even want to come home to?

Marriage, by design, is not a prison.
It’s not forced proximity.
It’s supposed to be safe.
Joyful.
A partnership where yes, we still need our own time...but not because we’re escaping each other.

.......

When God designed marriage, He said:
“It is not good for man to be alone…” (Genesis 2:18)
He called the two to become one flesh (Genesis 2:24)
Not one on Mondays, Wednesdays, and alternate weekends.
Not one only when it’s convenient.

Togetherness isn’t just physical.
It’s emotional.
It’s spiritual.
It’s showing up when it’s easy and when it’s inconvenient.

And listen, I’m all for healthy individuality.
Jesus Himself took time to retreat, to rest, to be alone with the Father.
But His heart never disconnected from the ones He loved.

.......

There is Danger in prepping for a spouse's absence

If I’m already planning my future marriage around absence,
I’m telling my heart to expect distance, not depth.
I’m normalizing emotional escape hatches before commitment even begins.

And truth is:
You can’t build intimacy on intentional distance.

Yes, there will be days when you need quiet.
Yes, there will be moments when you crave solitude.

That’s human. 
That’s healthy.

But the question is:
Do I actually like the person I’m becoming one with?
Do I look forward to coming home to them, not just living beside them?

.........

Marriage should look like this:
Space, but not disconnection.
Solitude, but not avoidance.
Rest, but not relief from each other’s presence.

And most importantly
Joy in togetherness.
The kind where even when you need a moment to yourself,
you never stop wanting to come back.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better.
Not just when it’s easy.
Not just for the applause.
But even in the coming home moments...the everyday, the ordinary, the together.