“Hoof Hearted” — The Blame Game in Marriage

There was once a guy who always seemed to have body odor.

But instead of dealing with it, he had a go-to line anytime anyone wrinkled their nose:

“Who farted?”

Every time.
Loud. 
Confident.

And completely deflecting attention from the real issue.

Funny? Yes.
But also…familiar?

Blame Is Easier Than Ownership

We’ve all met people like that.
People who would rather blame the environment, the weather, or the universe than admit they might be the issue.

But if we’re being honest, many of us do the same thing in marriage.
We deflect.
We point fingers.
We say things like:

• “If you didn’t do that, I wouldn’t react this way.”
• “I’m only acting like this because you’re being so distant.”
• “You’re too sensitive.”
• “You always blow things out of proportion.”

We get so focused on their flaws that we never stop to consider our own.
And as long as we keep deflecting, the real issue keeps rotting in the corner...unaddressed, unresolved, and worsening.

....................

God Doesn't Play the Blame Game

Blame started early.
In Genesis chapter 3, when Adam sinned, he didn’t own up.
He said: “The woman You gave me…”
And Eve? She blamed the serpent.

But God?
God didn’t entertain the blame.
He went to the root.
He dealt with each person individually.

Why?
Because in the kingdom of God, accountability always matters more than excuses.

..................

It’s Easier to Say “You Farted” Than “I Smell”

Admitting our role in a marital conflict is humbling.
It means saying:

• “I didn’t communicate well.”
• “I overreacted.”
• “I’ve been distant lately.”
• “I expected you to read my mind instead of sharing openly.”

It means shining the flashlight inward, not just across the room.

And that takes maturity.
It takes humility.
It takes grace.

But it’s also what real growth looks like.

............................

The Bible says in Matthew 7:3-5 “Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye and fail to notice the beam in your own? First take the beam out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly.”

Before we go “correcting” our spouse, the Bible invites us to pause.
To reflect.
To take responsibility.

Because healing doesn’t begin with blame.
It begins with honest ownership.

Next time, Before you blame your spouse:

Check Yourself First - Before the confrontation, ask: "What did I contribute here?”

Call Yourself Out - Even if your spouse is also wrong, be the first to say, “I see where I went wrong too.”

Use “I” Statements - Instead of “You make me feel…”, try “I feel hurt when…”

.........................

Blame is a temporary mask.
But masks don’t heal wounds.

Let’s stop yelling “Who farted?”
Let’s start asking:
“Lord, is it me?”

Because in marriage, humility doesn’t make you weak...it makes the relationship stronger.
Own your part.
Honor the process.
Heal together.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.