Before You Call Her Rebellious, Ask What Broke Her

I saw a video recently that stirred something deep.

A young Nigerian woman was passionately...no, vehemently, resisting the idea of cooking for her husband after they both returned from work.

Not disagreeing politely.

Not offering a thoughtful counterpoint.

She was screaming.

Full of fire, frustration, and fight.

And of course, the comments section

was a battlefield.

Some called her disrespectful.

Others said she was a lost cause.

Many blamed feminism.

Some mocked her upbringing.

Almost no one paused to ask why she felt so strongly.

But I did.

Because pain usually doesn’t shout without a history.

Convictions that loud are often born in homes that were too quiet about injustice.

Maybe she saw her mother serve until she had nothing left to give.

Maybe she saw a woman who cooked, cleaned, submitted, and still got lied to, cheated on, or left.

Maybe she grew up thinking love meant martyrdom...because she watched a woman become invisible in the name of being “a good wife.”

Maybe, just maybe…she’s not mad at the act of cooking. 

She’s mad at what she believes it represents.

You see, culture has taught many of us that roles in marriage are set in stone.

But trauma has taught others that those same roles can become shackles.

And when we don’t hold space to unpack why people resist what seems “normal,”

we end up mocking their wounds instead of ministering to them.

Yes, the Bible says a wise woman builds her home (Proverbs 14:1).

Yes, there’s honor in serving one another in love (Galatians 5:13).

Yes, cooking can be an act of love...not just for husbands, but for family, friends, even strangers.

But here’s the balance:

Love is not proven by tasks.

It is expressed through understanding, humility, and mutual honor.

The same Scripture that says "wives, submit" also says "husbands, love her as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25).

That’s not a call to domination or entitlement. 

It’s a call to sacrifice and service on both sides.

So, before we cancel her with comments,

Before we write her off as rebellious,

Before we prescribe marriage roles with no room for grace or growth,

Let’s ask the harder question:

What story shaped her scream?

Because maybe, if we listened long enough,

We’d stop arguing about rice and stew

and start talking about healing.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better.