Don’t Build a House at Rock Bottom

I was watching an interview on School of Hard Knocks when Forbes Riley said something profound:

“People hit rock bottom all the time; most of them stay there and build a couch and a house down there. Don’t do that.”

It got me thinking.

Because that sentence is not just about business.
It’s not just about personal setbacks.

It is also applies in marriage.

……………………………………………

Every marriage hits something

Rock bottom doesn’t necessarily mean doomsday.

Sometimes it looks like:

• Exhaustion that doesn't seem to have an expiration date.
• Financial strain
• Betrayal
• Loss
• Emotional distance
• Repeated arguments that have become a cycle

Sometimes it’s one event.
Sometimes it’s a slow erosion.

And in those moments, as couples, we have a choice.

Climb.

Or furnish the basement.

…………………………………………………

What does it mean to “build a house” at rock bottom?

It means you have normalized dysfunction.

You start saying:

• “This is just how we are.”
• “It is what it is.”
• “Marriage is hard.”
• “At least we’re still together.”

You stop trying.
You stop praying together.
You stop touching.
You stop hoping.

Resentment becomes furniture.
Silence becomes décor.
Bitterness becomes insulation.

And you convince yourself this is maturity.

But it’s not maturity.
It’s resignation.

…………………………………

Rock bottom is a signal, not a destination

Psalm 40:2 says:

“He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;
He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.”

Did you notice something?

The pit exists.
The mud exists.
The fall happens.

But God never designs the pit to be permanent housing.

Rock bottom is a wake-up call.

Not a retirement plan.

…………………………………

Why then do couples stay there?

Because climbing requires:

• Humility
• Accountability
• Honest conversations
• Forgiveness
• Discipline
• Change
• Even Counseling

And sometimes it’s easier to redecorate the pain than to confront it.

It’s easier to laugh it off.
To distract with work.
To immerse in children and raising them.
To scroll endlessly on our devices.
To coexist politely.

But quiet misery is still misery.

………………………………

Marriage is not meant to survive… it’s meant to thrive

Ecclesiastes 9:9 says to enjoy life with the wife (or husband) you love.

Enjoy.

Not endure.

Enjoy.

That word alone tells us that the baseline of marriage is not survival mode.

Yes, there will be seasons.
Yes, there will be valleys.
Yes, there will be hard years.

But valleys are meant to be walked through.

Not furnished.

…………………………………………

Climbing out

Climbing might mean:

• Apologizing first
• Seeking help
• Addressing childhood wounds
• Changing communication patterns
• Setting boundaries
• Inviting accountability
• Returning to prayer
• Restoring emotional intimacy

Climbing feels uncomfortable.

But staying stuck slowly kills joy.

…………………………………………………….

A hard question

Are you in a difficult season?

Or have you quietly built a house there?

Have you adjusted to dysfunction so long that you now call it normal?

Marriage will test you.

But it was never meant to trap you.

Don’t build a couch in your lowest season.
Don’t decorate disappointment.
Don’t retire in resentment.

👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍Marriage Works.

Rock bottom is real.

But it is not home.