Matthew 19:12 has been on my mind lately.
Jesus spoke of eunuchs; some born that way, some made that way, and some who chose to remain that way for the sake of the Kingdom.
He wasn't just being poetic. He said it right after the disciples heard His standard for marriage and said, “If that’s how serious it is…maybe it’s better not to marry at all.”
(Matthew 19:10-12)
And Jesus didn’t soften it.
He basically said, “You’re not wrong.”
Marriage is weighty.
And sometimes, not getting married...yet, is the more loving choice.
Not just for your sake.
But for the person you’d be marrying.
It’s echoed again in 1 Corinthians 7:37 where Apostle Paul describes someone who chooses not to marry, not out of fear or failure, but out of self-awareness and spiritual maturity.
Truth is:
There are people who shouldn’t get married…
…until.
..............
Until what?
1. Until they learn to control their anger.
If your words cut deeper than your silence
If your instinct is to hurt when you’re hurt
You shouldn’t get married until you heal that.
Proverbs 29:11 says, “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.”
2. Until emotional connection matters to them as much as physical release.
Marriage isn’t just access to a body.
It’s stewardship of a soul.
If affection feels burdensome but sex feels like a right...you shouldn’t get married until your view of intimacy matures.
3. Until they’re fighting to overcome the addiction...not just hiding it.
Marriage won’t cure porn, gambling, substance, or validation addictions.
It will expose them.
You shouldn’t get married until you’re pursuing healing in the open, not secrecy in the shadows.
4. Until they understand that submission and leadership both require humility.
If “lead” to you means control,
If “submit” means silence,
You shouldn’t get married until you’ve sat at the feet of Jesus long enough to learn what love and leadership actually look like.
5. Until they become accountable.
If no one can call you out, correct you, or check in on your choices...
You shouldn’t get married until you’re willing to be led before trying to lead.
..............
This isn’t about perfection.
It’s about preparation.
Marriage is not a shortcut to healing, validation, or control.
It’s a sacred space that requires daily selflessness and ongoing growth.
The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7:28 “If you do marry, you have not sinned…But those who marry will face many troubles in this life...”
So before you pray for a spouse...
Ask God to make you the kind of person someone will thank Him for marrying.
Because real love doesn’t just ask, “Are they ready for me?”
It also asks, “Am I ready for them?”
👣 Be Better. 💛 Love Better. 🙌🏾 Do Better. 💍 Marriage Works.
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